Piercing screams, gallopping feet, chasing, hissing, growling, fur flying!

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I found myself in the middle of the worst cat fight I have ever witnessed. Certainly the worst one to date in my own house. I kept yelling 'STOP' until I was able to lock Oskar into one room, and calm down Miss Kitty. The third cat, Mr Tibbs, was still growling, hissing and screaming somewhere in the house.

I was stunned. What happened? I finally caught Mr Tibbs. Blood - Mr Tibbs's front paw was bleeding. His right paw prints stained my beige Berber and Duvet cover red. How could they fight this viciously? What on earth caused this aggression?

When all the cats had cooled off a little, I realized that Miss Kitty, whom I had suspected as the culprit, appeared to be innocent. She had simply been caught in the crossfire. That's even worse I thought. It left one of my two handsome, well-behaved, docile, loveable and playful boys as the aggressor. They are, after all, brothers from the same litter who have been with me for nearly two years. They clean each other's ears, eat and play together daily.

How could I help? I needed more information. I combed the Internet and consulted with vets and cat experts. Now, wouldn't you know it? In the feline world, the behaviour my cats exhibited is generally known as 'redirected aggression.' Well, doesn't that sound applicable to many human situations?

Can you honestly say never to have redirected your frustration or anger, fears, worries or anxieties to another person, even someone you loved or liked? Isn't that how serious family fights and prolonged feuds begin? Who can remember after a while what sparked the initial disagreement?

That's what appears to have occurred with my cats. For the next few days, I spent much time with each cat, especially the boys. Repeatedly, I stroked them, stated and showed my love for them, tapped them on the nose if they started growling and told them in a stern voice that that was not an option. I frequently affirmed that all would be well and that they were safe.

I kept Mr Tibbs and Oskar separated for the next four days, bought pheromone diffusers, adminstered rescue remedy and together with friends (earthly and in Spirit) we offered all the help we could and invited healing and harmony through rebalancing and recalibration.

On the fifth morning after the initial explosion, Mr Tibbs succeeded in opening a closed door in the middle of the night. I shot up like an arrow when realized the door was ajar and listened for the noise. Except, silence was all I could hear.

I crept out of bed and tiptoed through the house looking for my boys. Here they were–lying next to each other on the futon, one licking the other as if nothing, absolutely nothing was wrong! With one minor exception, they have been best buddies again for an entire week now. (Just on a side note, in case you may end up in this situation: The readings on the Internet made the possible long-term consequences sound much worse than what I experienced by using discipline, love and energetic interventions.)

What a lesson these cats taught me, particularly considering all my family illnesses and chaos along with other challenges that have arisen lately!

Here is my learning. I must be ever watchful of the 90/10 principle that Stephen Covey popularized. I have no control over the outbreak of the fight between my cats. That accounts for 10% of the 90/10 principle.

I do have control over the missing 90% of the 90/10 principle, according to Stephen Covey (and I agree). We each decide in each moment how we wish to respond to a situation; what course of actions we choose; when and how to take responsibility; whom to fault or blame; what roles we end up playing–the persecutor or victim, perhaps. We just need to become conscious of these reactions first.

Back to my story. My cats' behaviour was unacceptable to me. I vowed that harmony, safety, and peace were going to be restored in my house within a week. I appreciate that my determined discipline, love, play and energy work payed off within five days. All that constitutes the 90% of Stephen Covey's 90/10 principle.

Now let me elaborate a bit and make this scenario applicable to a humans. Unlike cats, we tend to remember and hold onto whatever/whoever we perceive 'caused' the initial aggression. We find it challenging to arrive at a place of acceptance and loving kindness (perhaps not intellectually but on a felt/heart level) after a serious conflict. What does it take to embrace the other person fully for who they are, just the way Oskar and Mr Tibbs did in the end?

I have learned that if I follow four important action steps, I tend to be able to deal successfully with explosive situations and aggression that may be redirected at me.

First, I breathe and anchor myself, which prevents me from becoming trapped in reactive behaviour, derived from the emotion of the moment. If possible, I exit the physical space, even for just a few minutes as that helps me to recompose myself.

Second, I ask myself where I really want to be and how I wish to feel at the end of this situation/event? What's my goal? These questions assist me to reframe the moment and function from a clear and balanced place of being present.

Third, I quickly assess if I need to take responsibility and apologize for my actions or behaviour. If that's necessary, I offer a sincere, succinct and heart-felt apology. Sometimes that may not be possible in person, but you can do it in writing, even if you never send it to the person. As long as it comes from your heart, it sets the right action in motion.

Finally, I ask myself what and whom I need to forgive. I agree with William Bridges that asking others for forgiveness is a form of manipulation. When I ask others to forgive me, I put the onus on them. Instead, I must engage in the act of forgiveness as it my work that will lead to forgiveness. As Matthew Fox states, forgiveness is another word for letting go. The key to forgiveness consists, as I understand it, of my willingness to take action and to let go of the past. I cannot be present as long as I am tied to the past by grudges, hurts, pain, anger or wondering about the 'what if' and more.

Although the action of forgiveness takes place within me, I would like to emphasize that vocalizing the statement of forgiveness to a witness, such as a friend, confidant, or spiritual director who knows how to listen and be present, becomes an extremely transformative action.

Unlike humans, animals do not need these action steps to arrive at mutual love and acceptance, even after a vicious fight of redirected aggression. How grateful I am to my felines for illustrating the explosive potentials of ordinary moments.

Thank you, Mr Tibbs and Oskar, for reminding me of the transformational power of simple action steps, particularly the power of apology and the action of forgiveness. By redirecting my emotions and my mind from the past to the present, I arrive at a calm, peaceful and joyous place within myself whenever I get caught up in a sudden explosion.

How does this story resonate with you?