Do you ever feel or think you are not good enough? Or perhaps not smart enough, funny enough, worthy enough, attractive enough, rich enough, educated enough, witty enough, slim enough, honest enough, organized enough, energetic enough and on and on it goes?

Have you ever had doubts if you measure up? Or have you entertained the idea you are a fraud? How did that make you feel? Lost, perhaps, and lonely? Afraid of being cut off; afraid of losing your connections with the rest of your world or being an outcast?

The sense of 'not enough' often arises out of deep seated scarcity and fear of inferiority based on unconscious and conscious comparisons, which in turn fuels our drive towards power, control and perfectionism. It leads us to crave for the 'extraordinary' moments in our lives, sometimes presenting to us as adventures or people we seek out and admire for their ‘extraordinariness’ and talents, wealth, fame and fortune.

'Ordinary,' on the other hand, does not excite many of us, yet 'extraordinary' does, a tendency that feeds our perpetual consumerist greed and more. Our drive for recognition, private or public, becomes a measuring stick with which we apparently value individual contributions and even lives. We seem to make significant allowances and exhibit immense tolerance for behaviours and actions that are motivated by our perceived need to attain or maintain the status of 'extraordinary.'

How much of your life, do you estimate, is motivated by your sense of 'not enough?'

In whose eyes might you not be measuring up? In addition to your own judgements, who else may be giving you this message of 'not enough?' When you feel crushed by unreasonable and unattainable expectations–your own or those of others–how do you react?

Do you default to blame? Whom do you end up blaming? Yourself or others, or both? Have you considered what blame might be covering up? Could it be that when we resort to blame, we discharge a sense of overwhelming shame?

Shame? Was that the word that came to you here? Shame is not a word many of us use nearly as much as the word guilt, with tends to be more familiar to us; just think of the justice system. What is shame? Simply put, it’s our sense of being flawed and unworthy of love, acceptance, and belonging. Just like blame, it engages us in exclusionary tactics of isolation and invisibility. We either don’t want to be seen or believe others don’t see us, for example. We may be shunned or withdraw ourselves because of our sense of shame or guilt.

Perhaps the following statements might demonstrate what I mean. Imagine a situation that is stressful and worrisome to you, in which a friend, an acquaintance, your boss or a colleague says to you: “Stop being so defensive.” - “I thought you were stronger than this.” - “I didn’t realize this was such a big deal for you.” - “Why do you always have to be/do…”

How might that make you feel? Could any one of these sentences give you the message that suggests something is wrong with you? If so, your feelings of shame were triggered. Does this help as an example?

Rather than shame or guilt, perhaps the words embarrassment and humiliation resonate more with you. Keep in mind, though, that  these four emotional reactions, despite being somewhat related, differ considerably from one another.

– By the way, do you know what the common denominator is for the words human, humble, humiliation and humility? Hmmm, read on and you will find out. –

For many of us, embarrassment and humiliation appear to occur more temporarily and on the surface. We feel we can get passed them more easily. Guilt, the way I see it and the way most of the literature on the subject defines it, arises when we have done something wrong.

Shame, on the other hand, is linked to our personal identity, to our sense of ourselves being wrong or flawed. It lives in the core of our being and holds us in its iron grip from the depth of our being.

Perhaps that is precisely one of the many reasons (Freud's focus on guilt certainly contributes significantly to the overemphasis and generalization of guilt) that shame gets pushed on the back burner and we focus on guilt. Since guilt is related to actions, finding a remedy for actions that may cause us guilt, appears in reach of successful resolution.

What do we do, though, with our feelings of shame? Just think of our vernacular; we say that we ‘die from shame;' or we are ‘mortified by shame.’ When we feel shame, we tend to feel exposed, naked and raw because we feel disconnected and have lost our sense of personal dignity. That suggests we no longer have or recognize the boundaries that give us a healthy and sustainable sense of self. Do you see that an action plan appropriate to deal with guilt won’t work here?

Just like guilt, our proneness to shame is inherent in our human condition. What that means, the way I see it, is this: Because I am human, moments arise for me where shame and guilt will get triggered. These moments offer opportunities of learning and growth for me; learning and growth that transcend the personal self and strengthen my spiritual core. Shame and guilt serve as warning flags for me that I have lost my balance and have temporarily forgotten my wholeness within the universe. They alert me to pay attention to whatever aspect of my relationships–to myself, God/Spirit, the environment or others–appears broken or imbalanced. Perhaps my ideals and expectations do not match my behavior. Perhaps certain values that bring meaning into my life have been deeply questioned. Or perhaps certain boundaries have been violated that would make me feel exposed in an environment that is not nurturing to me.

It takes ‘ordinary courage’ (courage that comes from the heart and addresses ‘ordinary’ issues of life and living) to understand and address my own weaknesses and limitations. Once I’m able to accept myself with all my flaws, shortcomings, gifts and strengths, I’m ready to acknowledge my own humanness. With great humility and gratitude to Spirit, I can then move towards expressing my humanness through accepting myself just the way I am.

The minute I can accept myself ‘just the way I am,’ I have regained dignity and integrity. Dignity and integrity form the prerequisites of authenticity, which allows me to share myself openly and sincerely, spontaneously and genuinely. It increases my capacity for love and compassion because I can see myself as real and reflected in so many others around me.

This journey through guilt and shame keeps me humble and ordinary–I am just as unique, special and human as everyone around me. I feel my connection with Spirit precisely through my humanness.

I am now open to explore the spaciousness that such spiritual connectedness provides for me. I feel grounded and deeply rooted in this spaciousness in which I can hear the guidance and support Spirit has to offer. Paradoxically, ‘not enough’ cannot take hold in this spaciousness of my authentic being. ‘Not enough’ finds itself replaced with a sense of openness, confidence and remembrance of my wholeness. No need to hide or seek.

So, did you figure out the answer to the riddle I posed earlier? Here it is again: What’s the common denominator for the words human, humble, humiliation and humility? All these words are derive from the same root in Latin, which is ‘humus,’ the word for ‘earth.’ Isn’t that rather peculiar?

At the very least, the ‘root’ – no pun intended – common to all these words support my view of how important it is we ground ourselves in our ordinary humanness through which we give Spirit voice.