In all the fear mongering and utter craziness that led up to this truly remarkable 9th anniversary of the September attacks in 2001, the headline of an opinion piece in The New York Times on September 8 grabbed my attention: “The Healers of 9/11” by Nicholas Kristof .”

The columnist highlights two ordinary and yet exceptional American widows, Susan Retik and Patricia Quigley, who turned into activists on the international stage following the attacks. You may remember the documentary ‘Beyond Belief’ from 2007, which chronicles the work and mission of their non-profit organization Beyond the 11th to reduce poverty and illiteracy in Afghanistan.

More than 1,000 widows in Afghanistan have been enabled to start their businesses due to the financial and educational support provided by the foundation. Nicholas Kristof even suggests, “All the work that Beyond the 11th has done in Afghanistan over nine years has cost less than keeping a single American soldier in Afghanistan for eight months.” I don’t know how accurate this statement is, but even if it were off by a significant margin, just imagine what could happen if all the countries whose soldiers have been in Afghanistan for years now invested their money differently there?

This story, though, serves as a lengthy preamble to the main observation I’ve made these last few days. Have you noticed how much we have been hearing the word ‘tolerance’ lately? Tonight, one of my searches on the Internet revealed over 20,000 news headlines around the English speaking world alone that use ‘tolerance’ referring to the commemoration of the 9th anniversary of 9/11. The word seems to creep up and in everywhere and rubs me the wrong way.

Why, you may ask? Well, it’s been brewing in me for a while, but I suppose it took all the recent events, as bizarre as some of them might have been and continue to be, to understand my own discomfort and concerns. I will do my best to explain.

The etymological origins of ‘tolerance’ go back to the Latin verb ‘tolerare,’ which means ‘to bear or endure.’ To this day, tolerance is generally understood as sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one’s own, according to the online Merriam-Webster dictionary. Dictionary.com defines tolerance in more detail: 1) a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality, etc., differ from one's own; freedom from bigotry; 2) a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one's own; 3) interest in and concern for ideas, opinions, practices, etc.

Let’s recap–a ‘permissive attitude?’ If I hold a permissive attitude, am I not coming from a position of power and authority? In other words, I am taking the position that I allow other ideas, opinions or people to exist alongside mine then. So, if I’m asked to be tolerant and I ‘permit’ differing opinions to coexist with mine, I either put myself into a state of endurance or operate from arrogance, since I must be superior to whatever else I am permitting. Did I get that right?

I can certainly remember a few occasions where it made me feel good to consider myself tolerant of somebody or something. There is a certain sense of grace, generosity and good-heartedness that tends to arise from a tolerant attitude. How about you? What's your take on it?

However, when I’m honest with myself, I can see my dilemma. If I accept the challenge to tolerate ‘the other,’ how much distance do I create between us? I fully understand that at the time of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., for instance, the appeal for tolerance was justified and necessary. What about now, though?

I understand and appreciate that politicians, other leaders and many organizations work to promote tolerance of various kinds; religious, sexual, ethnic and more. Their appeals, though, don't appear to engender action. For the most part, the call for tolerance can be seen  as a stepping stone to accepting, affirming and embracing that which is different, at least that’s how I can concede its usefulness.

The very notion of tolerance, in my opinion, invites separation, perhaps divisiveness. It is also passive and intellectual in nature and therefore does not spark engagement or commitment. Do you believe individuals like Susan Retik and Patricia Quigley were moved into action because of feelings of tolerance? I hardly think so.

As I see it, we need to move from the notion of tolerance to open-hearted, compassionate acceptance, which means we must find a way to connect our head with our heart. Instead of measuring ourselves against others, by contrast or comparison, how about we search for ways to build bridges and express genuine support for one another?

This shift in attitude begins with each one of us, I believe. It requires internal vigilance and honesty. Where am I prejudiced? Where do I perceive myself as tolerant? Why do I see the need tolerance that disguises my attitude of righteousness? Only when I gain clarity how I measure myself against the other, then I am free to choose how I wish to go on from here.

Let me give you a concrete example. I feel strong emotions on environmental issues, for instance. The disaster in the Gulf of Mexico has fueled much outrage and finger-pointing. I find myself quite prejudiced against the big oil companies and governmental agencies that have enabled careless and reckless behaviour. Of course, I tolerate all of this activity and all those members of society who are not particularly concerned with their environmental footprint.

But how do I turn this passive state of tolerance into an active state of contribution? First, I have to recognize that my sense of righteousness leads to further separation and strife. I invariably invite opposition. Second, I need to be honest with myself. I know I am environmentally conscious, and yet, I still drive a car, I own a house, I indulge in luxuries way beyond necessities. All that suggests that I feed our society's seemingly insatiable need for energy. So, what gives me the right to point fingers? And yet, the only reason I can feel I am tolerating all those who either disagree with me, don't share my views or don’t seem to care is that I compare myself to or with them. I want them to be like me!

What does that really accomplish, you might ask? It keeps me in survival and scarcity mode. It holds me in an either/or position. And, because of my attachments to the outcome, I believe, it actually fuels all the undesired results. I then wonder what fears and anxieties prevail that feed my attitude.

That's why I must go further and resolve my need to measure myself against ‘the other.’ If I lighten up and apply Rule Number 6 , I begin to open myself up to a both/and stance and bring movement into the situation. I ask myself how I wish to contribute to the particular situation, in this case the environment. What other possibilities exist that I haven’t yet explored? How can I increase my enthusiasm and passion for whatever task or role I engage in? That’s how I generate openings for transformation, both internal and external.

Let me illustrate: A while ago, I decided to bring all of my own containers and bags to the market, the health food stores and any other store I enter. Almost every time, another costumer comments: ‘I have lots of plastic containers that I could refill. What a great idea!’ – What possible ripple effects this may have! And it encourages me to think creatively about other choices I can make. Even though this may sound like a trivial example, I suggest that we bring about change and miracles by discovering the extra in the ordinary.

If I believe, and I do, that we live in a universe where all is connected and requires delicate balance for survival and expansion, I have to assume that each one of my actions, thoughts and behaviours invariably causes an adjustment or change in a multitude of other areas in order for the universe to maintain its balance. I apologize for this greatly simplified and simplistic depiction of my understanding of the universe, but I trust it gets my point across.

So here is my call to action and invitation: Identify your areas of prejudice and tolerance. Determine the reasons for your sense of righteousness. See if you can transform the internal and external resistances you are experiencing into the fuel needed to open yourself up to further possibilities. Move from a passive and resistance-based position into action that is rooted in your head and heart connection. You might be surprised where your creative juices take you!

How does this appeal to you? What are your reactions to my ideas? Regardless of whether you agree with me or not, I’d love to hear from you.