Martina's Musings

Mystery Challenge

Martina Steiger — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 01:10:00 GMT

Are you up for a ‘mystery’ challenge this month? I’m referring to mystery (spiritual truth via divine revelation) in the sense of awe, wonder and magnificent impossibility as well as the mundane usage of ‘mystery’ as that which baffles the mind and defies explanation or our comprehension. How about a daily conscious encounter with mystery?

"The sense of wonder, that is our sixth sense." – D.H. Lawrence

I will explain in more detail. If you prefer to get right to the double challenge, you can skip the background and context and tackle the Challenge. You might miss interesting information, though!

Background and Context

It’s easy to see the superficial connection to the mysterious for me this month:

First, Halloween (October 31) has peeked around the corner, the day the Celtics believed the border between this world and the Otherworld to become thin so spirits could pass through, and All Saints and All Souls Day (November 1 and 2) that celebrate our spiritual communion with the dead.

The second and more important reason is two-fold, though, and emerges on a much more personal level. Life, existence and the universe definitely remain a mystery to me and fill me with awe and wonder.

I’ve been in awe of the beauty of the amazing Indian summer we experienced for so many days in Southwestern Ontario this year. The colours, the air and the light have been breath-taking. The mix of sunshine, warm temperatures and rain has resulted in an utterly bountiful Fall harvest. It never ceases to amaze me how one tiny seed can grow into the most nourishing and beautiful carrot, radish or squash.

At the same time, however, another feeling has been in the air for me–the urge and restlessness of needing ‘to figure things out.’ Imagination, incomprehension and impatience characterize this mood. Just like the autumn leaves that are blown about by the wind these days, I have felt more scattered and unfocused than normally this past month. As I listen to and watch the daily events unfold, both on a personal and global level, I’m left with a sense of confusion and curiosity.

So much of the anger, fear, disillusionment that has been palpable, particularly in the context of political debates, policy setting, and climate change, appears old. The phrase, Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose, comes to mind! (The more things change, the more they stay the same.) What prevents us from truly making changes that are supportive of the human spirit?

Just read the following sentence: “As you know, there is a growing disrespect for government and for churches and for schools, the news media, and other institutions. This is not a message of happiness or reassurance, but it is the truth and it is a warning.”

Do you recognize the source? Yes, right on–President Jimmy Carter! He delivered this speech in 1979, entitled “Energy and the National Goals: A Crisis of Confidence,” in which he pointed to the question of identifying and the commitment to living according to our core values.

Such a course of action requires trust in our ability to embrace our values full-heartedly and use them to discern what we need and want, and finally to set priorities. “We must face the truth, and then we can change our course. We simply must have faith in each other, faith in our ability to govern ourselves, and faith in the future,” President Carter continues. (You will find the full text of his speech, much of which sounds current, right here .)

I’ve come across a somewhat surprising source to illustrate a similar point–I suppose this reveals judgment on my part here–Steve Jobs, CEO and co-founder of Apple and Pixar. In his 2005 Stanford University Commencement speech , he reminds the graduates, “You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.” So, looking back, we can see the ‘wholes,’ the bigger picture and understand perhaps more of the overarching reasons, motivations and connections. I wonder how many of us waste time and resources and remain stuck by trying to connect the dots forward!

Steve Jobs proceeds by giving this advice for moving forward, “You have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.”

Now, as a linguistic I find it fascinating that both the words’ ‘faith’ and ‘confidence’ (which President Carter used) have their roots in the Latin word ‘fidere,’ which means ‘to trust,’ (the word Steve Jobs used). As you can see, we’re right back at today’s topic-mystery. How, you ask?

Well, when I catch myself losing my patience and getting frustrated or angry because I don’t understand (myself, others, a situation), I remind myself to sift through these agitations until I rediscover and clarify my core values. How do I care to identify myself?

Then I take a leap of faith and trust that even, and often exactly when I least understand the dots will connect in the future. Isn’t that also what the German poet Rainer Maria Rilke suggests in one of his letters to a young poet ?

"Understanding is not a piercing of the mystery, but an acceptance of it, a living blissfully with it,in it, through and by it." – Henry Miller

In that sense, fully accepting and living the questions and the mystery-the unknown, the unknowable, the impossible, the awe and wonder–serve as catalysts for my imagination, which in turn fuels creative expression.

Challenge

"If you study life deeply, its profundity will seize you suddenly with dizziness." – Albert Schweitzer

Here is the double challenge.

Become an active seeker of mystery. Promise yourself to open up to mystery. Invite it into your conscious experience; seek out the profound mysteries of your daily life in which you find yourself immersed.

For instance, isn’t it amazing how your child or grandchild, your niece or nephew (once nothing more than the merged product of a tiny egg and sperm, learns to speak?

Or you might admire a very simply a blade of grass, the hair on your body, a leaf or a flower pedal in their incredibly brilliant design.
How about the abilities of birds, fish and other animals to migrate thousands of miles through unknown territory with inexplicable certitude?

Allow yourself to be silenced by your astonishment.Fill your cup with that sense of awe and wonder–it’s easy and deeply nourishing.

All is mystery; but he is a slave who will not struggle to penetrate the dark veil. – Benjamin Disraeli

Now to the more mundane aspect of mystery, the unknown or incomprehensible, the nagging questions perhaps. Whenever you catch yourself in frustration, disbelief, anger or even cynicism about actions, behaviours and events around you, sort through the agitations with the intention to dig deeper.

Remember that the word ‘crisis’ means precisely that, an opportunity to ‘sift and separate.’ Look at what emerges as your core values, which you might identify as your deeply anchored vision and motivation that speak from your heart and resonate with your whole being.

Then engage in loving and forward moving, supportive action, thoughts and behaviours. Invest your energy into who you wish to be. Commit yourself to being truthful to your whole being. Trust that, even though you may not have a clue as to the how and why or all the rest of it, you will be able to connect the dots at the right time. Stay open to the wonder of the mystery. particularly when it reveals itself as the extra in the ordinary .

"Wisdom and deep intelligence require an honest appreciation of mystery." – Thomas Moore

Phoenix Rising: Servant Leadership in Action

Martina Steiger — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 16:11:00 GMT

Almost one billion, that is 1,000,000,000,000 people followed the rescue of the 33 trapped miners at the San José near Copiapó, Chile, for nearly 24 hours. Just imagine, that’s more than 1/7th or 14% of the world’s entire population! Hundreds of thousands of blog posts, twitter feeds, emails, comments in various forms and phone messages expressed concern, support, gratitude and love for the miners and their families.

I wonder what effect such an opening of hearts and outpouring of compassion and positive emotions from all around the globe has had on all of us. Could such a positive rallying and rooting for the same wonderful cause possibly have affected the crime rate around the world, for instance?

What about on a more personal level? Did you notice yourself soften, perhaps, and allow your heart to open up more? Maybe you found yourself reaching out more or demonstrating your gratitude and love more readily?

While being caught up in watching the rescue, it occurred to me that in my life time of more than five decades now, I can only remember two other instances that united people around the globe in a similarly focused and positive a manner as this particular event. Of course, we did not have the same technology to share information with the ease, detail and immediacy that is available to us now.

Can you guess which two events I’m referring to? I remember when Nelson Mandela was freed from prison on Robben Island, South Africa, in February 1990. I also have memories of the “successful failure” of the Apollo 13 mission to the moon, where all the astronauts eventually returned safely in April 1970. Perhaps the fall of the Berlin Wall in November 1989 captured some of the world’s imagination, but I’m not sure it reached truly worldwide attention.

What’s important here is this: If I were to make a list of news events that garner our attention globally, I would have no problem naming at least half a dozen events a year. However, they are all associated with disasters, such as the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, the flooding in Pakistan or the toxic spill in Hungary. It seems rare that positive news stories sustain the world’s [media] attention.

Obviously, the event in Chile started out as a disaster as well. So what happened here that’s different? I suggest determination, hope, faith, focused attention and leadership stand out. Apparently giving up was not an option. Instead of diverting focus to lay blame and culpability, the government in this case assumed full responsibility for the rescue and focused all efforts on this task while reaching out to the world to ask for insights, technology and support.

The focus on first finding the miners and later rescuing them motivated and sustained not only the families, but everyone around them. Setting clear priorities that were strongly heart-centred, I believe, constitutes the core of the incredible community that began to be built at the San José mine and eventually spread to the rest of the world.

Neither the families nor the government wasted valuable time, energies and resources in attempts to force the mining company to accept responsibility for the rescue operations. (That does not mean the company is not responsible, though, for all the many violations of safety precautions!)

What emerged instead were individuals and groups who either grew into or took leadership roles and carried them out as servant leaders. They cared for each individual and looked out for the good of all concerned, provided guidance and willingly made difficult decisions while opening up to support and wisdom of others.

From all the reports we heard throughout those 69 days, similar determination, hope, faith and focused attention on priorities enabled the miners underground to survive the first 17 days, however gruelling they must have been. Their mutual respect and support as well as the leadership qualities of many individuals who were given or assumed key roles to ensure survival, such as the miners‘ shift foreman Luis Urzúa or the spiritual leader Mario Gomez or the video journalist Mario Sepúlveda, serve as remarkable inspirations of what is possible. These ordinary men surely exemplify the servant leader Robert Greenleaf depicts in this book Servant Leadership.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. Obviously, the whole world engaged to ‘raise’ these miners. These miners, their families and those in charge of the rescue efforts managed to create a global village, even for a short while. What a demonstration of community building!

I’m grateful to the miners, their families and all involved in the rescue. They inspire me to sharpen my focus and commitment to priorities while stepping up to the challenges that challenges that servant leadership requires of me. I believe the image of the rescue capsule ‘Fénix ’ will serve as an apt and poignant visual reminder.

What’s your take on this extraordinary event? Why do you believe a billion people resonated so deeply with the unfolding events and the rescue? What insights are you taking away from this experience?

Are You Listening? Really Listening?

Martina Steiger — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 20:59:00 GMT

To listen another's soul into a condition of disclosure and discovery may be almost the greatest service that any human being ever performs for another. - Douglas Steere

What do ‘schizophonia,’ Neil Young, Robert Schumann and the Scottish percussionist and composer Evelyn Glennie, who is nearly deaf, have in common? Are you intrigued or scratching your head, perhaps? I promise all four relate in a curious way! Just read on and you will find out. I even include links to video interviews and talks for your listening enjoyment!

Let me start with ‘schizophonia.’ And no, it’s not a new disorder, at least as far as I know. However, have you ever felt out of sync or disoriented while listening to something on your i-pod (or in the old days on your walkman) while doing other activities? Well, you may have experienced what ‘schizophonia’ tries to describe.

Yes, listen up, particularly all of you music lovers, i-pod users and otherwise plugged in or wired up people, and, for that matter, all of you.

What is schizophonia? It’s derived from the Greek, with ‘schizo’ meaning ‘split’ and ‘phone’ meaning ‘voice, sound.' The term, it turns out, was first employed by the Canadian composer and environmentalist R.M. Schafer in 'The New Soundscape' in Toronto in 1969. It refers to the split between an original sound and its electroacoustic reproduction in a soundscape, a 20th century phenomenon.

The term and phenomenon, described in R.M. Schafer’s book Soundscape: The Tuning of the World, caught my attention recently (the book was originally published in 1977, though) and I’ve been reflecting on it since then. Schafer suggests that due to the overabundance of acoustic information around us, we need to reduce the noise on this planet so we can relearn to hear the nuances of sounds around us.

With the plethora of devices available to us to reproduce and play sound any time and place, we have moved into a world where we experience a dislocation between what we hear and what we see. For instance, as my i-pod is pumping Ella Fitzgerald’s voice in my ears, I’m riding my bicycle down the street, where I’m surrounded with original sounds that partially enter into my awareness. But which one of the activities am I really present to in my listening? Which noise is drowning out which other one? And what does it do to me in the process?

I would suggest that the most common form of listening practised by us today is ‘passive’ listening. As I share in my article on Deep Listening, we spend between 40-50% of our time listening, yet what training or education do we receive to learn to listen deeply, to really listen?

“Listening looks easy, but it’s not simple. Every head is a world,” a Cuban proverb suggests. How true, in my opinion. Listening is complex. For instance, you probably know that the speed of our hearing ability exceeds that of our capacity to speak. No wonder the mind starts to wander, when I can listen at 400-500 words per minute, but my partner can only speak between 150-250 words per minute.

We can think at 1,000-3,000 words per minute. Brain scans show about 40 thoughts per minute making their impressions in our neural networks. That’s not all, though. We hear less than 25% of what was said–probably in part because only our body is present but the mind is elsewhere, I would dare to speculate. After one week, we may recall up to 5% only. And another complicating factor, the average attention span for adults is currently estimated at only 22 seconds!

Are you up for an experiment? Take note of your own behaviour just for one day. How much noise is going on? Do you have the TV running even when you are not in the room? Where are the time when you can opt to shut down white noise? How much voluntary multi-tasking is going on in your life? Where could you sequence your actions instead of trying to accomplish them simultaneously? See if you can notice a difference in how you feel and perhaps in the quality of the results.

I remember the stories told by my grandfather of gathering around the radio to listen to the news, to speeches and other broadcasts. Now let’s compare that to the pride we take in our ability to multi-task. Granted, some of it is necessary, some of it may work nicely, but how much do we compromise in the process?

Singer and songwriter Neil Young provides us with another angle on listening with his reference to the composer Franz Schubert. In a video interview with CBC Q’s Jian Gomeshi, Neil Young was questioned about his songwriting. He responded that he did not ‘come up’ with an idea or lyrics and compared his process to that of Schubert’s, whom he quotes to say, ‘I don’t make up my music. I remember it. I remember what I’m doing.’ Neil Young elaborates that it doesn’t matter where it (ideas, lyrics, music) comes from, but that you have to take care of it and care about the moment of expression.

Well, to me this suggests Neil Young describes in his own way an active and reflective form of listening. It involves being present to what is going on, taking responsibility for it and committing to it. I have to admit I was really struck by his explanation and reference to Schubert. (And thank you for alerting me to the interview, David.)

Listening is a fully embodied experiences. What do I mean by that? It means we listen with every aspect of our being. Have you heard of the Scottish percussionist and composer Evelyn Glennie, who last almost all of her hearing by age 12? In this TED talk video , she gives a brilliant demonstration of how we might “feel” listening and experience sound more deeply and broadly.

Just as the notes only make up a small percentage of what music is about, it appears that less than 10% of what we hear is based on language. Most of the information we assume we hear, actually comes to us through visual cues, including body language (50%) and mostly unconscious aspects of speech that impacts us through pitch, pace, volume, enunciation, emphasis and tone (40%).

Think about your favourite performers, particularly actors. Who engages you the most? Probably those actors whose responses to what’s happening appear genuine. How does it happen? It happens when actors treat listening as one of the foundational skills of their craft. It means, listening becomes an active process where actors put their attention outside of themselves on the person with whom they are interacting. That’s when they begin to establish a real connection, where they bridge the head and the heart.

If communication depends so much on non-verbal information, then perhaps we need to explore and those aspects of the listening process as well, both internally by tuning in (see the Neil Young example) and externally, by listening to others in a way that goes beyond the words and the thinking power of our brains. Yes, we can teach about body language, eye contact and other external factors, but to me nothing will come close to the power of a balanced head-heart connections.

As you may know, the heart is the most powerful generator of electromagnetic energy in the human body. The heart’s electrical field is about 60 times greater in amplitude than the electrical activity generated by the brain (measure by ECG). The magnetic field produced by the heart is more than 5,000 times greater than the field generated by the brain and can be detected a number of feet away from the body, as demonstrated through the research by the HeartMath Institute in Boulder, CO. These electromagnetic signals have the capacity to affect others around us.

Therefore, let’s approach listening as a deeply active process that engages the heart. We might do well to remember that words in themselves have no meaning. It’s us as interpreters who attach meaning that arises from the accumulation of experiences, feelings, thoughts within the listener. As M. Scott Peck aptly states, “You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.”
So, here is my challenge to you. ‘Are you listening? Really listening?’ Would you be willing to increasing your level of listening engagement–both with yourself and others? You see, it won’t take extra time. What it will take, though, is extra commitment. How about it?

If you need further inspiration and explanations, just go to my website, where you will find two further articles on listening, "From Me to We: Practical Guidelines to Deep Listening" and an essay on "Deep Listening" with more background information. I also offer a seminar on the topic of listening that might interest you.

And please share your insights and experiences with me. I’d love to hear from you.

When I have been listened to and when I have been heard, I am able to re-perceive my world in a new way and go on. – Carl Rogers

Can We Get Beyond Tolerance?

Martina Steiger — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 17:36:00 GMT

In all the fear mongering and utter craziness that led up to this truly remarkable 9th anniversary of the September attacks in 2001, the headline of an opinion piece in The New York Times on September 8 grabbed my attention: “The Healers of 9/11” by Nicholas Kristof .”

The columnist highlights two ordinary and yet exceptional American widows, Susan Retik and Patricia Quigley, who turned into activists on the international stage following the attacks. You may remember the documentary ‘Beyond Belief’ from 2007, which chronicles the work and mission of their non-profit organization Beyond the 11th to reduce poverty and illiteracy in Afghanistan.

More than 1,000 widows in Afghanistan have been enabled to start their businesses due to the financial and educational support provided by the foundation. Nicholas Kristof even suggests, “All the work that Beyond the 11th has done in Afghanistan over nine years has cost less than keeping a single American soldier in Afghanistan for eight months.” I don’t know how accurate this statement is, but even if it were off by a significant margin, just imagine what could happen if all the countries whose soldiers have been in Afghanistan for years now invested their money differently there?

This story, though, serves as a lengthy preamble to the main observation I’ve made these last few days. Have you noticed how much we have been hearing the word ‘tolerance’ lately? Tonight, one of my searches on the Internet revealed over 20,000 news headlines around the English speaking world alone that use ‘tolerance’ referring to the commemoration of the 9th anniversary of 9/11. The word seems to creep up and in everywhere and rubs me the wrong way.

Why, you may ask? Well, it’s been brewing in me for a while, but I suppose it took all the recent events, as bizarre as some of them might have been and continue to be, to understand my own discomfort and concerns. I will do my best to explain.

The etymological origins of ‘tolerance’ go back to the Latin verb ‘tolerare,’ which means ‘to bear or endure.’ To this day, tolerance is generally understood as sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one’s own, according to the online Merriam-Webster dictionary. Dictionary.com defines tolerance in more detail: 1) a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality, etc., differ from one's own; freedom from bigotry; 2) a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one's own; 3) interest in and concern for ideas, opinions, practices, etc.

Let’s recap–a ‘permissive attitude?’ If I hold a permissive attitude, am I not coming from a position of power and authority? In other words, I am taking the position that I allow other ideas, opinions or people to exist alongside mine then. So, if I’m asked to be tolerant and I ‘permit’ differing opinions to coexist with mine, I either put myself into a state of endurance or operate from arrogance, since I must be superior to whatever else I am permitting. Did I get that right?

I can certainly remember a few occasions where it made me feel good to consider myself tolerant of somebody or something. There is a certain sense of grace, generosity and good-heartedness that tends to arise from a tolerant attitude. How about you? What's your take on it?

However, when I’m honest with myself, I can see my dilemma. If I accept the challenge to tolerate ‘the other,’ how much distance do I create between us? I fully understand that at the time of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., for instance, the appeal for tolerance was justified and necessary. What about now, though?

I understand and appreciate that politicians, other leaders and many organizations work to promote tolerance of various kinds; religious, sexual, ethnic and more. Their appeals, though, don't appear to engender action. For the most part, the call for tolerance can be seen as a stepping stone to accepting, affirming and embracing that which is different, at least that’s how I can concede its usefulness.

The very notion of tolerance, in my opinion, invites separation, perhaps divisiveness. It is also passive and intellectual in nature and therefore does not spark engagement or commitment. Do you believe individuals like Susan Retik and Patricia Quigley were moved into action because of feelings of tolerance? I hardly think so.

As I see it, we need to move from the notion of tolerance to open-hearted, compassionate acceptance, which means we must find a way to connect our head with our heart. Instead of measuring ourselves against others, by contrast or comparison, how about we search for ways to build bridges and express genuine support for one another?

This shift in attitude begins with each one of us, I believe. It requires internal vigilance and honesty. Where am I prejudiced? Where do I perceive myself as tolerant? Why do I see the need tolerance that disguises my attitude of righteousness? Only when I gain clarity how I measure myself against the other, then I am free to choose how I wish to go on from here.

Let me give you a concrete example. I feel strong emotions on environmental issues, for instance. The disaster in the Gulf of Mexico has fueled much outrage and finger-pointing. I find myself quite prejudiced against the big oil companies and governmental agencies that have enabled careless and reckless behaviour. Of course, I tolerate all of this activity and all those members of society who are not particularly concerned with their environmental footprint.

But how do I turn this passive state of tolerance into an active state of contribution? First, I have to recognize that my sense of righteousness leads to further separation and strife. I invariably invite opposition. Second, I need to be honest with myself. I know I am environmentally conscious, and yet, I still drive a car, I own a house, I indulge in luxuries way beyond necessities. All that suggests that I feed our society's seemingly insatiable need for energy. So, what gives me the right to point fingers? And yet, the only reason I can feel I am tolerating all those who either disagree with me, don't share my views or don’t seem to care is that I compare myself to or with them. I want them to be like me!

What does that really accomplish, you might ask? It keeps me in survival and scarcity mode. It holds me in an either/or position. And, because of my attachments to the outcome, I believe, it actually fuels all the undesired results. I then wonder what fears and anxieties prevail that feed my attitude.

That's why I must go further and resolve my need to measure myself against ‘the other.’ If I lighten up and apply Rule Number 6 , I begin to open myself up to a both/and stance and bring movement into the situation. I ask myself how I wish to contribute to the particular situation, in this case the environment. What other possibilities exist that I haven’t yet explored? How can I increase my enthusiasm and passion for whatever task or role I engage in? That’s how I generate openings for transformation, both internal and external.

Let me illustrate: A while ago, I decided to bring all of my own containers and bags to the market, the health food stores and any other store I enter. Almost every time, another costumer comments: ‘I have lots of plastic containers that I could refill. What a great idea!’ – What possible ripple effects this may have! And it encourages me to think creatively about other choices I can make. Even though this may sound like a trivial example, I suggest that we bring about change and miracles by discovering the extra in the ordinary.

If I believe, and I do, that we live in a universe where all is connected and requires delicate balance for survival and expansion, I have to assume that each one of my actions, thoughts and behaviours invariably causes an adjustment or change in a multitude of other areas in order for the universe to maintain its balance. I apologize for this greatly simplified and simplistic depiction of my understanding of the universe, but I trust it gets my point across.

So here is my call to action and invitation: Identify your areas of prejudice and tolerance. Determine the reasons for your sense of righteousness. See if you can transform the internal and external resistances you are experiencing into the fuel needed to open yourself up to further possibilities. Move from a passive and resistance-based position into action that is rooted in your head and heart connection. You might be surprised where your creative juices take you!

How does this appeal to you? What are your reactions to my ideas? Regardless of whether you agree with me or not, I’d love to hear from you.

Perceptions: Window on the World

Martina Steiger — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 19:40:00 GMT

What's YOUR window on the world? What colours and shapes your perceptions? How do your perceptions reflect back to you the world you see? How are your perceptions linked to your knowledge, assumptions, beliefs and experiences? And what does that tell you about your understanding of truth?

In preparation for a recent talk on transformative experiences, I recalled poignant moments from my teenage years that illustrated for me the particular nature of my windows on the world at the time, although much of that, and its wider implications, I only grasped gradually. Let me tell you the story:

I grew up in a small rural town in Germany, West-Germany at the time, a place my parents still call home. Due to my cousin Ulrich’s diligent passion in genealogy, we know that both sides of my family tree have been rooted for centuries in the same small town. Although I couldn’t quite articulate it then, I felt bound and stuck by the world into which I was born. I was longing for more depth and breadth and spaciousness.

“I live in a very small house. But my windows look out on a very large world,” says Confucius. Well, It seemed that the only window I knew was a tiny, heavily obstructed window looking out on a very small slice of the world. No wonder I liked school as it held for me the promise of adding more windows to my house that would enlarge my view. And no wonder I couldn’t wait to start grade 5 at the ‘Gymnasium’ (the academic high school) in the nearby bigger city. My new beginnings, and the potential to gain an expanded view of the world coincided with my home town’s 1200th anniversary in 1967.

In the early 70s, our school choir had arranged an exchange with our partner school in England, in Romford, located in Northeast London. We, the German 9th graders were in our 5th year of English studies, whereas most of the English girls knew no German at all or barely enough to say hello. It put the onus on us to manage most of the communications, even within our families and our host families. As you can well imagine, never having been outside of a German-speaking country, I anticipated the trip with excitement and trepidation.

We encountered much that surprised us during the ten days across the Channel, such as round-abouts (unknown then in Germany), driving on the ‘wrong’ side of the road (of course we knew about it, but experiencing it was quite different), waiting stoically in queues-even with just three people–standing for the national anthem in the movie theatre, the structure and format of the school day and year, even table manners! Who knew that switching your fork over to the right hand and putting your knife down was considered perfectly good etiquette?!

Two experiences still stand out for me, though, that emerged at the Grammar School we had to attend when we were not singing still: one in Math and the other one in History class.

Presumably you were taught one particular process of writing down long divisions and multiplications. (Just a reminder that I belong to the era BC-before calculators or computers!) Picture my amazement, when the division on the board was written up in a way I had never seen before and seemed odd, and yet the result turned out to be the same as mine! It had simply never occurred to me that even divisions and multiplications harboured within them the potential of diversity and possibility. I wondered what else could be done differently than I had accepted as a given.

History class revealed itself more as a shock than a surprise. How was it possible that not only the tone and the direction of the discussion of early 20th century history differed substantially from what I had been taught, but also the so-called facts that were presented? I had never heard of some of the names, places and accomplishments that figured so prominently in the discussion!

My teachers tried to mitigate my confusion by pointing to my insufficient knowledge of English, but I didn’t quite accept that explanation. I suspected something quite different, much more important and bigger, was revealing itself to me even if I couldn’t really identify it. My deep inner knowing as a child suggested to me that the world had to consist of many different shapes, hues and textures–and I don’t mean landscapes, peoples or languages in themselves. What I was given to understand, though, as truths and facts we were required to memorize, for instance, became continuously more questionable and at the same time more inexplicable.

Within the five years that followed my first trip to England, I travelled and studied for extended periods of time in England, France and the Soviet Union, then still behind the ‘Iron Curtain.’ My studies of English and Russian literatures in particular that followed my completion of high school perpetually opened my eyes and my mind to even further contradictions of truths, and thus to endless possibilities. How many versions of the purportedly same events do you believe I learned about? And yet, how many individuals, groups, organizations and groups believe they own the truth?

It dawned on me during my time of studies how accurately Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, the amazing German writer and polymath, had captured the insights I was gaining: “Man knows himself only to the extent that he knows the world. He becomes aware of himself only within the world and aware of the world only within himself. Every object well contemplated opens a new organ within us.”

Having travelled to, lived and worked now in numerous countries, I realize how much of a larger picture of the world I have been enjoying over the years, how the view has changed. Quite honestly, though, many a time I only appreciated the blessings after the fact. Rubbing up daily against mind-sets, beliefs, behaviours and experiences that differed from what I was used to, frequently was at the least uncomfortable, often extremely painful and frustrating. However, each instance compelled me to re-examine my own attitudes, priorities, behaviours and beliefs.

Life’s happenings certainly continue to provide me with the opportunity to contemplate many an object and trust that each time “a new organ,” a new connection or insight emerged for me. Going back and forth between various cultures keeps me on my toes not to succumb to numbness and habit. Isn’t it really easy to get caught up accepting apparent truths because so much of our lives remains habitual and unexamined? And what does that do to the window on the world? How wide open is it? What's the world we look on to?

I would say, as the title of my August newsletter suggests, that our perceptions reflect the world back to us, a world which we create from the inside out. Getting to know ourselves and what we acknowledge as our own truths, therefore, must remain a work in progress because life presents itself to us as a steady flow of experiences. Lets be aware, however, that the moment we perceive something, it becomes static in our awareness, which leads to potential inflexibility and artificial conviction on our part. This paradoxical attribute of perception requires from us creative approaches (I wrote about the topic of creativity, “Looking at Life with a Squint” in my last blog) and a willingness to remain flexible and open to the flow of life.

So here is my invitation to you:

   1)   Choose a particular area in your life and examine your perceptions. These areas may pertain to fairly concrete realms of life, such as your physical body, your daily routines around the house, or your eating habits. Or perhaps you may wish to focus on one of your political views, your attitude towards the environment or religion, so-called fringe groups, or perhaps the organizations or institutions you dislike or detest.

   2)   Now do your best to discern, simply as an observer without judgment, out of which window or windows you are looking at that particular aspect of the world. How large a piece of that world can you see?

   3)   If you feel you would like to enlarge your view, ask yourself how you can infuse movement into this aspect of your life. For instance, can you change your routines or something else in the exterior environment that might allow you in turn to see the world differently? Or how about this: Could you concede, even for just a moment, that you may not know the answer or you may be incorrect in your own position on a subject? How about then engaging in conversation with others (imagined or real) who may offer up a contrary point of view - but not from a position of righteousness, but coming from your heart space? Try it out and see what happens to the slice of the world you will be able to see through your windows. Is it getting richer and more varied? What colours, textures and nuances can you perceive?

If you are interested in further ideas on the subject, including out-of-the-box presentations and references, see the article on my website, “Cleanse the Doors of Perception .” In addition, peruse the Newsletter Archives for more inspiration and suggestions for practical application.

Creativity: Looking at Life with a Squint

Martina Steiger — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 20:09:00 GMT

I was just uploading the photos I took of Miss Kitty when it occurred to me that my cats are far less limited than I in their approach to life’s adventures. For them, each moment consists of endless possibilities. A box or a fruit bowl, as you can see in the pictures, simply offer creative opportunities. A leaf landing on the grass becomes a fascinating toy, and a dripping faucet turns into a splashing water fountain. They definitely put into practice what Lewis Carroll describes in his poem:

“A shape, or sound, or tint;
Don’t state the matter plainly,
But put it in a hint;
And learn to look at all things,
With a sort of mental squint.”

What about us, you and me? How often do you look at life with a squint? Or do you find yourself caught in habitual patterns that remain largely unobserved? Perhaps you observe them, but you don’t consider yourself creative enough to make a change? Intellectually, I am convinced that life is full of infinite possibilities. And yet, how often do I get myself stuck by sticking with the same routines and the same old way of thought or behaviour, by not squinting at life differently?

Maybe you question the validity or benefit of such an approach to life? Why bother? Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that we get to know ourselves, our essence, our relationships and the world much better when we are courageous enough to dig deeper. Surprises and mystery emerge as we delve into the creative process.

Granted, the digging may confront us with our fears and darkness that tend to lie hidden behind the normal, habitual and rule-bound behaviours we have learned, adopted and assumed most often in an unexamined manner. Therefore, I’m encouraging you here, just for a few moments, to shift your position a bit. Begin to look at life with a squint, Lewis Carroll suggests. Find a different angle or ask a question. It’s an art and a skill you may wish to cultivate and practice because you deserve to live into the possibilities that emerge when we we experiment. "All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better," suggests Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Wait a second, you may say! ‘I don’t feel particularly adventurous or creative.’ Creativity is what others possess!

Is that so? That’s how I thought of myself for many years, and, I have to admit, I still catch myself in that mindset from time to time. I’ve come to understand and appreciate, though, that the reason for such unproductive, and often self-destructive thinking results from a deeply skewed perception of what creativity means. I suppose I was waiting for the moment when that light bulb would go on, for the Eureka moment, or however else you want to think of it. I was waiting for an idea or a concept to grab my attention and consume me until I had given expression to that idea. Although I know now that creativity can and does take hold of us that way in some circumstances, this rather expressive notion portrays only a small percentage of the entire picture.

I’ve come to appreciate the simple definition of creativity that the writer and philosopher Rollo May provides: “Creativity is the process of bringing something new into being.” What a succinct description! So, Miss Kitty brought something new into being: both the fruit bowl and the cardboard box, which she also filled with her catnip pillows, became a safe haven, a playground and bed for her.

How do we bring something new into being? We don’t need to write the new Canadian - or American - bestseller of the month. Rather, let’s continue with the idea of ‘Discovering the Extra in the Ordinary’. We can stimulate the process of creation–not only creative thinking but also creatively being–by small shifts in our approach to daily living. Because creativity is a skill, we get more adept as we practice and learn to transfer our new insights and skills into other areas of our being.

Start by observing yourself and your habits. Pick one or two of your established patterns. What might happen, for example, if you decided to drive or walk to work or the gym or to your kids’ school along new routes? Of course, it means you will need to let go of the certainty first that you will be just as fast as on your old route. But just imagine what you might gain! You might discover, for instance, a magnificent garden or meet a new person.

Here is another simple example, how about you use your non-dominant hand to wash the dishes or brush your teeth? You might start laughing at your clumsiness, but what else might be happening? Where could it lead you? It’s important to remember, though, that you will need to stay committed to the new way of engagement in the chosen activity for a while to see the possibilities emerge.

Let’s choose a different scenario. You engage in a conversation with a friend. You bring your entire being to the moment and listen. Instead of offering advice or a comment to a situation she recounts, how about you simply pose a question, an open-ended question, focused and non-judgmental, that would allow both of you to consider the situation in a new light?

After all, “creativity is the quality that you bring to the activity that you are doing. It is an attitude, an inner approach–how you look at things,” according to Osho, and I whole-heartedly agree. So, if I pick a few flowers from my garden, arrange them in a vase and enjoy the view, isn’t that the result of a creative activity? How about cooking, cleaning, gardening, or tidying up the house? Change some of your routines and break the ‘rules!’ Experiment and see what happens! Encourage yourself to shed new light on familiar aspects of your day!

I invite you to ‘Discover the Extra in the Ordinary’ by stimulating your own creative juices. Remember that creativity flourishes with practice, passion and commitment. Look at life with a squint. After all, “There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly.” – Buckminster Fuller

Please note: Visit my website for further reflections on the topic. In the upcoming newsletter 'From the Insight Out," I will broaden the discussion of perception. Stay tuned. As always, I welcome your comments and enjoy your sharing with all of us.

Simplicity: Less Is More

Martina Steiger — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 15:30:00 GMT

How can less be more? When we live a simpler life where less is more, we create a spaciousness and clarity that allow for balance, relationship, peace, harmony and contentment to arise organically in our lives. In a sense we prepare the spoil in which we grow and nourish our soul so the essence of our being and relationships, human and spiritual, can emerge and express itself freely. In the words of Professor Ludwig Wittgenstein, “The aspects of things that are most important to us are hidden because of their simplicity and familiarity.”

Living simply leads to a renewed and fresh ‘felt experience’ of love and grace that remains elusive in busy, stuffy and cluttered environments. There, we are preoccupied with doing and having. How do we ever discover our ‘being’ in this noise and hectic that drown out the often quiet voices of our essence? It’s simple–not simplistic and not necessarily easy though: Let’s shift from DO and HAVE to BEing out of which the DOing arises that will lead to certain HAVEs. In turn, whatever we HAVE and DO informs and enriches our BEing authentically and with integrity.

How simple is your life? I mean all aspects of your life; your personal and professional life, which entails all physical, emotional, mental, relational and spiritual aspects of your being. Let’s say, on a scale from 1-10, with 10 being absolutely simple, what number will you assign your way of living and being right now? Just take a breath; be still and see what number pops into your awareness.

‘Wait a second,’ you say. ‘Life’s too complex for such a simplistic assessment!’ Is it really? Are we perhaps just scared of the implications? In the Western world, at least in the last 60 years, we certainly have not been taught to understand and appreciate the values inherent in ‘letting go,’ saying good-bye, subtraction or departing, or death. And the unknown tends to frighten us. We want to be able to get to the bottom line, the root cause and fix the problem. So, eliminating ‘stuff,’ either material or immaterial, from our lives inevitably causes us some grief. Many of us want to avoid grief at all cost and pretend it doesn’t exist since we haven’t learned how to appreciate the tremendous challenges and opportunities–often painful, agonizing and simultaneously mystical–the experience of loss and grief in any form offers to us.

Perhaps we have just allowed ourselves to complicate life as consumerism continues to thrive and our notion of well-being and wealth centers on steady and increasing accumulation and additions. A simple example are the hundreds of TV channels or products online and in stores from which we can now choose. Does the choice inherently bring quality or an increased sense of contentment? We’ve been good students in a culture that defines progress by how well we amass material possessions, often under the pretext of providing security and safety.

Growing sophistication and complexity in our societal structures have not resulted in growing happiness, more time, freedom or wisdom. To the contrary, it appears that what we are growing is our ability to destruct not only ourselves, but everything around us, including our precious planet Earth.

Simplicity appears to suffer from a bad reputation (just think of the connotations of the word ‘simpleton), probably because we look at life from the perspective of opposition, of polarities, of dualistic thinking, expressed in the notion of ‘either/or’ and ‘but,’ rather than ‘both/and.’ (Our justice system, the adversarial system, serves as a great example.) We often equate simple with bad, insufficient, weak, inadequate or limiting. I remember as a child feeling embarrassed, maybe even ashamed, at times when my family’s simple ways did not seem to measure up to other’s elaborate life styles. How grateful I am now for these experiences that have helped me shape my understanding of the importance of simplicity not just for me, but for us as a human species.

I contend that living simply (’living simplicity’) requires deep awareness and reflection on our part because of the choices that are required of us in a seemingly confusing and complex time. I further contend that it demands enormous courage, willingness, discipline and soul searching to arrive at a solid inner state of harmony and peace that support expressions of simplicity in all areas of our lives.

Have you ever taken pride in your ability to handle successfully complex situations? Do you get satisfaction out of embellishing and exaggerating certain moments in your life because it ‘looks’ or ‘sounds’ better, perhaps creating more of an impression than the simple moment that truthfully occurred? Or maybe because it makes you feel more important and tickles your sense of self-esteem the right way? I certainly can recall some such moments in my life where I was seeking external recognition and validation–never with lasting results, though.

I’m assuming I’m not alone here. Now, let’s turn it around. How much pride have you taken in your ability to simplify your life? Let’s look at the physical aspects of your life, such as your living space, your closets, your desk or your vehicle or vehicles. Much has been talked about de-cluttering lately. What’s your most rewarding experience in this area? How does it feel? What’s the effect of a de-cluttered environment on your mental or emotional state?

Now, how cluttered and ‘stuffed’ are your emotional, mental and spiritual aspects of your life? Have you sorted through those areas and given away your outdated beliefs, aired out the stuffy corners of your mind? What about your spiritual beliefs, routine and disciplines? Perhaps there has not even been room or air left for any of them to flourish because you have hung on to too much stuff?

Or could it be that you are frustrated with your attempts at de-cluttering because they tend to be sporadic, momentarily gratifying, and–just like many New Year’s resolutions–they vanish into thin air despite your best intentions? Have you given up because you feel you have not really been successful yet?

Remember that learning only lasts if it’s intrinsically motivated. That means, we have to find a strong drive within ourselves that leads us to the action of ‘letting go.’ When we feel the obligatory ‘should or must,’ we set ourselves up for failure. This is how we return to the idea that what we DO and HAVE can only arise authentically from who we truly are. When doing and being are incorporated into our BEing, we can make lasting changes.

So, what’s the one area in your life that calls your attention right now where you can make ONE change that will simplify your life? Where less is more? Don’t think about it! Just let it pop into your awareness. Got it? Does it resonate with you at the core of your being? Yes?! Now commit yourself 100% to implementing that one change that simplifies your life–'unstuff' yourself! Not 90% or 99%, but 100%! Remain alert and recognize over the course of the next two weeks the potential ripple effects of your decision to create simplicity. When you are ready, repeat the process with another item that calls for your attention.

Enjoy! I look forward to hearing your stories of simplicity!

“Our life is frittered away by detail... Simplify, simplify, simplify!” – Henry Thoreau

Not Enough?!

Martina Steiger — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 13:11:00 GMT

Do you ever feel or think you are not good enough? Or perhaps not smart enough, funny enough, worthy enough, attractive enough, rich enough, educated enough, witty enough, slim enough, honest enough, organized enough, energetic enough and on and on it goes?

Have you ever had doubts if you measure up? Or have you entertained the idea you are a fraud? How did that make you feel? Lost, perhaps, and lonely? Afraid of being cut off; afraid of losing your connections with the rest of your world or being an outcast?

The sense of 'not enough' often arises out of deep seated scarcity and fear of inferiority based on unconscious and conscious comparisons, which in turn fuels our drive towards power, control and perfectionism. It leads us to crave for the 'extraordinary' moments in our lives, sometimes presenting to us as adventures or people we seek out and admire for their ‘extraordinariness’ and talents, wealth, fame and fortune.

'Ordinary,' on the other hand, does not excite many of us, yet 'extraordinary' does, a tendency that feeds our perpetual consumerist greed and more. Our drive for recognition, private or public, becomes a measuring stick with which we apparently value individual contributions and even lives. We seem to make significant allowances and exhibit immense tolerance for behaviours and actions that are motivated by our perceived need to attain or maintain the status of 'extraordinary.'

How much of your life, do you estimate, is motivated by your sense of 'not enough?'

In whose eyes might you not be measuring up? In addition to your own judgements, who else may be giving you this message of 'not enough?' When you feel crushed by unreasonable and unattainable expectations–your own or those of others–how do you react?

Do you default to blame? Whom do you end up blaming? Yourself or others, or both? Have you considered what blame might be covering up? Could it be that when we resort to blame, we discharge a sense of overwhelming shame?

Shame? Was that the word that came to you here? Shame is not a word many of us use nearly as much as the word guilt, with tends to be more familiar to us; just think of the justice system. What is shame? Simply put, it’s our sense of being flawed and unworthy of love, acceptance, and belonging. Just like blame, it engages us in exclusionary tactics of isolation and invisibility. We either don’t want to be seen or believe others don’t see us, for example. We may be shunned or withdraw ourselves because of our sense of shame or guilt.

Perhaps the following statements might demonstrate what I mean. Imagine a situation that is stressful and worrisome to you, in which a friend, an acquaintance, your boss or a colleague says to you: “Stop being so defensive.” - “I thought you were stronger than this.” - “I didn’t realize this was such a big deal for you.” - “Why do you always have to be/do…”

How might that make you feel? Could any one of these sentences give you the message that suggests something is wrong with you? If so, your feelings of shame were triggered. Does this help as an example?

Rather than shame or guilt, perhaps the words embarrassment and humiliation resonate more with you. Keep in mind, though, that these four emotional reactions, despite being somewhat related, differ considerably from one another.

– By the way, do you know what the common denominator is for the words human, humble, humiliation and humility? Hmmm, read on and you will find out. –

For many of us, embarrassment and humiliation appear to occur more temporarily and on the surface. We feel we can get passed them more easily. Guilt, the way I see it and the way most of the literature on the subject defines it, arises when we have done something wrong.

Shame, on the other hand, is linked to our personal identity, to our sense of ourselves being wrong or flawed. It lives in the core of our being and holds us in its iron grip from the depth of our being.

Perhaps that is precisely one of the many reasons (Freud's focus on guilt certainly contributes significantly to the overemphasis and generalization of guilt) that shame gets pushed on the back burner and we focus on guilt. Since guilt is related to actions, finding a remedy for actions that may cause us guilt, appears in reach of successful resolution.

What do we do, though, with our feelings of shame? Just think of our vernacular; we say that we ‘die from shame;' or we are ‘mortified by shame.’ When we feel shame, we tend to feel exposed, naked and raw because we feel disconnected and have lost our sense of personal dignity. That suggests we no longer have or recognize the boundaries that give us a healthy and sustainable sense of self. Do you see that an action plan appropriate to deal with guilt won’t work here?

Just like guilt, our proneness to shame is inherent in our human condition. What that means, the way I see it, is this: Because I am human, moments arise for me where shame and guilt will get triggered. These moments offer opportunities of learning and growth for me; learning and growth that transcend the personal self and strengthen my spiritual core. Shame and guilt serve as warning flags for me that I have lost my balance and have temporarily forgotten my wholeness within the universe. They alert me to pay attention to whatever aspect of my relationships–to myself, God/Spirit, the environment or others–appears broken or imbalanced. Perhaps my ideals and expectations do not match my behavior. Perhaps certain values that bring meaning into my life have been deeply questioned. Or perhaps certain boundaries have been violated that would make me feel exposed in an environment that is not nurturing to me.

It takes ‘ordinary courage’ (courage that comes from the heart and addresses ‘ordinary’ issues of life and living) to understand and address my own weaknesses and limitations. Once I’m able to accept myself with all my flaws, shortcomings, gifts and strengths, I’m ready to acknowledge my own humanness. With great humility and gratitude to Spirit, I can then move towards expressing my humanness through accepting myself just the way I am.

The minute I can accept myself ‘just the way I am,’ I have regained dignity and integrity. Dignity and integrity form the prerequisites of authenticity, which allows me to share myself openly and sincerely, spontaneously and genuinely. It increases my capacity for love and compassion because I can see myself as real and reflected in so many others around me.

This journey through guilt and shame keeps me humble and ordinary–I am just as unique, special and human as everyone around me. I feel my connection with Spirit precisely through my humanness.

I am now open to explore the spaciousness that such spiritual connectedness provides for me. I feel grounded and deeply rooted in this spaciousness in which I can hear the guidance and support Spirit has to offer. Paradoxically, ‘not enough’ cannot take hold in this spaciousness of my authentic being. ‘Not enough’ finds itself replaced with a sense of openness, confidence and remembrance of my wholeness. No need to hide or seek.

So, did you figure out the answer to the riddle I posed earlier? Here it is again: What’s the common denominator for the words human, humble, humiliation and humility? All these words are derive from the same root in Latin, which is ‘humus,’ the word for ‘earth.’ Isn’t that rather peculiar?

At the very least, the ‘root’ – no pun intended – common to all these words support my view of how important it is we ground ourselves in our ordinary humanness through which we give Spirit voice.

Magic: Discovering the Extra in the Ordinary

Martina Steiger — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 07:00:00 GMT

How much magic would you like to experience in your life?

What sort of magic, you are asking? Excellent question, I must admit, because I'm not talking about the wonders of the magic wand, the thrill of a lifetime, or bliss and instant enlightenment (without the endarkenment or shadow, of course). I'm aware that magazine headlines capture the 'blissful moments' many of us long for. And certainly, advertisements appeal to our almost manic need of the "WOW" factor in our lives, as do many TV programmes and talk shows. In short, it seems much of the Western world, at least, craves bedazzlement, a form of irresistible pleasure with which we tend to be blinded to the world within and around.

That's NOT the magic I have in mind even though I can certainly identify with the longing for the big "WOW" in my life. What about you? Are you longing to be bedazzled by the waving of the magic wand or the snapping of fingers–yours or somebody else's) through which your life changes miraculously?

What about a different way for you to live the magic that emerges from your everyday life? Just think for a minute about Buckminster Fuller's statement: "There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly." For me, it evokes a sense of enchantment and deep satisfaction, which in turn reveals spaciousness and beauty, curiosity, connection and compassion. Are you game for an adventure? Here we go.

I'm suggesting that the most enduring form of magic, bedazzlement or bliss arises for me when I realize, with all of my being, the truly extra-ordinary moments and aspects of my ordinary life. Are you still with me? I will do my best to provide you with examples and a succinct explanation.

Picture this: Two people meet in a two-minute conversation. One speaks as the other one listens attentively. The two people discover the Extra in the Ordinary when their seemingly ordinary encounter results in compassionate curiosity; where they generate new insights, learning and shared understanding.

This happened at a recent conference, where I asked the participants to engage in an empathetic listening exercise, which only lasted four minutes. You should have heard the spoken and unspoken "wows" that followed the two times two minutes. The speakers were amazed how freely they could talk when they knew the listener's job was to listen and to hold the space while giving feedback only through body language. Generally, listeners felt deeply heard, appreciated and loved in this process. In addition, as one participant revealed–and others concurred, she realized that she had answered her own questions because she felt immersed in a spaciousness on so vast she could hear her own inner voice (intuition, wise inner genius, high self, Spirit, Source or however you understand it) and accept her as guidance.

The listeners reported that they were equally 'bedazzled' by the experience. It had given them a sense of freedom because they did not have to think of something to say, to sound clever or empathetic, for instance. Not only could they remember almost verbatim what the speaker talked about (their minds did not have to prepare a response), they also felt intrigued and became increasingly more curious and engaged. The listening experience, despite it being silent, had turned into a true dialogue where new understanding was gained by both participants in the process.

Now, how is that for magic? Both parties felt transformed and full from the inside out. What do I mean by that? The participants felt complete, energized and motivated. A sense of awe inspired them. My hope and wish is that they still feel inspired enough to transfer this experience into other moments of their everyday lives. How is that for Discovering the Extra in the Ordinary?

This is just one small example of how we can relish our lives, moment by moment, as we discover the special character and gifts of each situation and encounter. Then we realize how rich a life we are living and perhaps relinquish our need to search for magic out there. Our consumer society serves as a great illustration of the never-ending thirst and hunger for more and different, along with increased hype and sensationalism to demonstrate that the outside-in approach does not work. As we know, out there usually does not suffice because gratification must arise from the inside out for a lasting effect.

What stories do you have to share that illustrate how powerfully we experience life when we Discover the Extra in the Ordinary?

Of course, you may experience the Extra in the Ordinary in a completely different way because nothing feels really that extraordinary at all. If that's the case, perhaps you are already living in that spaciousness of BEING, where life just is and that includes you. Take a good look and notice how remarkable such existence is. What is the Extra you can discover that you offer to yourself and others that enriches the ordinariness of the moment? I look forward to hearing your accounts of how you experience and model for all of us the Extra in the Ordinary.

Over the next few months, I will elaborate further on this topic of Discovering the Extra in the Ordinary. I will explore, among other ideas, how imagination and creativity I will present my ideas and understanding of this dynamic and creative process of living and learning that feels natural and nourishing from the inside (and insight) out. For now, I suggest you read further in my June newsletter , where I offer various perspectives on the 'Ordinary,' as seen by Shinzen Young, Eckhart Tolle, Ezra and Sarah McLachlen.

Show Up and Be Present

Martina Steiger — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 04:30:00 GMT

Are you showing up, right here and right now, for this particular moment in your life? Are you present, truly present? Silly questions, you might think, but are they? After all, you are reading these lines, so, technically you are here. Are you really?

I invite you to check in with yourself. How much of you is present in this very moment? Any conversations happening inside of you? No? Yes? Maybe not real conversations but fragments of ideas, shoulds, shouldn'ts, what ifs, musts, to dos and more floating through your mind? Where are you emotionally?

So, on a scale of 1-10, how much of you is present in this moment? A 10 would indicate 100%. My sincere congratulations to you if that's where you find yourself. You may not need to read on.

Just in case you assess your number to be closer to a 5 or six or lower, don’t despair. Instead, be kind to yourself and breathe. Allow the breath to settle, anchor yourself and bring your awareness to the moment. Even though I set my intentions each day to show up fully to each moment and be present to it, this very endeavour continually requires my utmost attention. I can and do distract myself so easily, particularly with my attachments to the past or my meanderings into the future to determine the what ifs, for instance.

Now don't get me wrong. I love to dream and daydream, to engage in future thinking and planning. There’s definitely a place and time for it, just as you may wish to dedicate time and attention to healing the wounds that stem from the past. After all, our lives are replete with losses that require healing.

Back to this moment now. It takes more than just your physical presence to be fully present, as you well know. Check in right now and see if you truly feel in your body. Are you able to feel the expansion of your breath in your body?

How about your mind? Where is it? Where are your thoughts that generally are expressed in language fragments that float around, creating fascinating dialogue or boisterous town hall meetings, perhaps even shouting matches sometimes?

Here is a revealing exercise for you, in case you've not paid much attention to the seemingly random thoughts that go through your mind. Several times a day, jot down what thoughts and fragments of comments cross your mind in just a minute. I bet you it's more than a handful in many cases. See if your monkey mind or your cow mind has the upper hand. I'd be curious to know.

What does such an active cow mind or monkey mind do for you? Apart from draining and exhausting you, it leads you astray and distracts you from accomplishing your goals. Furthermore, you miss the opportunity to give to and gain from each encounter you are experiencing because only a part of you is present.

Let me provide you with an example: How many times in a conversation have you prepared a response to the speaker, even if this person is your best friend, while the person was still speaking? This suggests your attention was not fully on the speaker, but on yourself. Have you ever interrupted somebody because you felt the need to add a thought? I’m certainly guilty of both behaviours. My impatience or anxiety around forgetting something I wish to contribute or my eagerness to look informed or knowledgeable, however, mainly demonstrate my own needs and desires to be acknowledged and seen. That, in turn, takes me away from embracing the moment. I’ve then lost the ability to hear the speaker’s truth because of my premature engagement. Does that sound familiar to you?

I will extend this thought a little further. Perhaps you are dealing with a challenge in your life that absorbs much of your thoughts and emotions. Perhaps you feel numb, unable to even label what you are feeling. Perhaps you are experiencing much love and happiness right now. All of it just IS. In itself, it is neither good nor bad; it's just our thoughts and attitudes that make it so because we continually compare to events and experiences of the past. The question remains, are you fully present to even the joy and happiness you’re experiencing?

What if you find yourself in a situation that you consider undesirable? In such an instance, Eckhart Tolle, the author of The Power of Now, suggests you have one of three options: 1) Remove yourself from the situation or event. 2) Change it; and 3) Accept it totally. He continues to propose that whatever you choose (and there is no right or wrong), do it fully and accept all anticipated and unanticipated consequences in the process.

That advice in itself certainly resonates with me. I have successfully exercised the first two options, even under challenging circumstances. The third choice–total acceptance–that’s the tough one for me. How about you?

How can I totally accept whatever comes with the situation if I cannot remove myself from it or I don't have the power to change it? It’s a hard pill to swallow. Do you feel that's where you are at now or where you have been in the past? How do you accept a situation fully and completely if it is something you neither wished nor chose to have in your life at all? That’s when we tend to feel sorry for ourselves and fall prey to victimhood–justifiably so, we believe. As examples, I’m thinking of a life-threatening illness, a traumatic experience or the death of a loved one, and, of course, other scenarios may be true for you.

If all my being resents the circumstance or situation, what does total acceptance mean? To me, it suggests embodying all the thoughts and the emotions, a process which requires honest recognition and awareness of all the feelings, thoughts, sensations, and emotions that well up inside of me.

The wise words attributed to the Chinese teacher and philosopher Confucius, "Wherever you go, go with all your heart," express clearly my embodied sense of Tolle’s statement. Even when my heart feels broken and my soul feels trapped in the darkest and longest nights of the abyss, I need to open myself to the presence of each moment. Then, and only then, do I learn to embrace the paradoxes life has to offer rather than feeling engulfed by the tension of the opposites that tear me apart.

These are not empty words, as you may already know. My manuscript Invisible Connections bears witness to such an experience where I express my attempts to acknowledge and be fully present to each moment through poetry and memoir. I invite you to read the excerpts I’ve posted on my website under the heading Writings .

Do you have anything to share with me on this topic? I’d be very interested in hearing your musings on this subject. Enjoy having fun and practice showing up and being present when life throws you little teasers. That’s the practice we need to become proficient and effective even during the tough times. Let me know what happens when you do show up and are present.

Sudden Explosion: Transforming Aggression

Martina Steiger — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 06:06:00 GMT

Piercing screams, gallopping feet, chasing, hissing, growling, fur flying!

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I found myself in the middle of the worst cat fight I have ever witnessed. Certainly the worst one to date in my own house. I kept yelling 'STOP' until I was able to lock Oskar into one room, and calm down Miss Kitty. The third cat, Mr Tibbs, was still growling, hissing and screaming somewhere in the house.

I was stunned. What happened? I finally caught Mr Tibbs. Blood - Mr Tibbs's front paw was bleeding. His right paw prints stained my beige Berber and Duvet cover red. How could they fight this viciously? What on earth caused this aggression?

When all the cats had cooled off a little, I realized that Miss Kitty, whom I had suspected as the culprit, appeared to be innocent. She had simply been caught in the crossfire. That's even worse I thought. It left one of my two handsome, well-behaved, docile, loveable and playful boys as the aggressor. They are, after all, brothers from the same litter who have been with me for nearly two years. They clean each other's ears, eat and play together daily.

How could I help? I needed more information. I combed the Internet and consulted with vets and cat experts. Now, wouldn't you know it? In the feline world, the behaviour my cats exhibited is generally known as 'redirected aggression.' Well, doesn't that sound applicable to many human situations?

Can you honestly say never to have redirected your frustration or anger, fears, worries or anxieties to another person, even someone you loved or liked? Isn't that how serious family fights and prolonged feuds begin? Who can remember after a while what sparked the initial disagreement?

That's what appears to have occurred with my cats. For the next few days, I spent much time with each cat, especially the boys. Repeatedly, I stroked them, stated and showed my love for them, tapped them on the nose if they started growling and told them in a stern voice that that was not an option. I frequently affirmed that all would be well and that they were safe.

I kept Mr Tibbs and Oskar separated for the next four days, bought pheromone diffusers, adminstered rescue remedy and together with friends (earthly and in Spirit) we offered all the help we could and invited healing and harmony through rebalancing and recalibration.

On the fifth morning after the initial explosion, Mr Tibbs succeeded in opening a closed door in the middle of the night. I shot up like an arrow when realized the door was ajar and listened for the noise. Except, silence was all I could hear.

I crept out of bed and tiptoed through the house looking for my boys. Here they were–lying next to each other on the futon, one licking the other as if nothing, absolutely nothing was wrong! With one minor exception, they have been best buddies again for an entire week now. (Just on a side note, in case you may end up in this situation: The readings on the Internet made the possible long-term consequences sound much worse than what I experienced by using discipline, love and energetic interventions.)

What a lesson these cats taught me, particularly considering all my family illnesses and chaos along with other challenges that have arisen lately!

Here is my learning. I must be ever watchful of the 90/10 principle that Stephen Covey popularized. I have no control over the outbreak of the fight between my cats. That accounts for 10% of the 90/10 principle.

I do have control over the missing 90% of the 90/10 principle, according to Stephen Covey (and I agree). We each decide in each moment how we wish to respond to a situation; what course of actions we choose; when and how to take responsibility; whom to fault or blame; what roles we end up playing–the persecutor or victim, perhaps. We just need to become conscious of these reactions first.

Back to my story. My cats' behaviour was unacceptable to me. I vowed that harmony, safety, and peace were going to be restored in my house within a week. I appreciate that my determined discipline, love, play and energy work payed off within five days. All that constitutes the 90% of Stephen Covey's 90/10 principle.

Now let me elaborate a bit and make this scenario applicable to a humans. Unlike cats, we tend to remember and hold onto whatever/whoever we perceive 'caused' the initial aggression. We find it challenging to arrive at a place of acceptance and loving kindness (perhaps not intellectually but on a felt/heart level) after a serious conflict. What does it take to embrace the other person fully for who they are, just the way Oskar and Mr Tibbs did in the end?

I have learned that if I follow four important action steps, I tend to be able to deal successfully with explosive situations and aggression that may be redirected at me.

First, I breathe and anchor myself, which prevents me from becoming trapped in reactive behaviour, derived from the emotion of the moment. If possible, I exit the physical space, even for just a few minutes as that helps me to recompose myself.

Second, I ask myself where I really want to be and how I wish to feel at the end of this situation/event? What's my goal? These questions assist me to reframe the moment and function from a clear and balanced place of being present.

Third, I quickly assess if I need to take responsibility and apologize for my actions or behaviour. If that's necessary, I offer a sincere, succinct and heart-felt apology. Sometimes that may not be possible in person, but you can do it in writing, even if you never send it to the person. As long as it comes from your heart, it sets the right action in motion.

Finally, I ask myself what and whom I need to forgive. I agree with William Bridges that asking others for forgiveness is a form of manipulation. When I ask others to forgive me, I put the onus on them. Instead, I must engage in the act of forgiveness as it my work that will lead to forgiveness. As Matthew Fox states, forgiveness is another word for letting go. The key to forgiveness consists, as I understand it, of my willingness to take action and to let go of the past. I cannot be present as long as I am tied to the past by grudges, hurts, pain, anger or wondering about the 'what if' and more.

Although the action of forgiveness takes place within me, I would like to emphasize that vocalizing the statement of forgiveness to a witness, such as a friend, confidant, or spiritual director who knows how to listen and be present, becomes an extremely transformative action.

Unlike humans, animals do not need these action steps to arrive at mutual love and acceptance, even after a vicious fight of redirected aggression. How grateful I am to my felines for illustrating the explosive potentials of ordinary moments.

Thank you, Mr Tibbs and Oskar, for reminding me of the transformational power of simple action steps, particularly the power of apology and the action of forgiveness. By redirecting my emotions and my mind from the past to the present, I arrive at a calm, peaceful and joyous place within myself whenever I get caught up in a sudden explosion.

How does this story resonate with you?

Change - Chaos - Transition

Martina Steiger — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 14:16:00 GMT

Change - Chaos - Transition! How familiar are these three words to you? They aptly describe my birth family's situation right now, with four immediate family members going in and out of various hospitals, and with at least one needing long-term care, most likely.

It fascinates me that the topic of transition has moved me deeply in this last year, to which my choice of conference topics and seminar offerings attest. Given my immediate experiences from this past week, I've decided to write more about the subject, as writing always assists my own healing. May my musings serve as an opportunity for you to reflect, heal and feel inspired.

I will do my best to present a brief overview on my understanding of the three concepts, Change, Chaos, and Transition. Change does not necessarily lead to chaos and transition. But I would contend that change often occurs to challenge, throw, or invite us into the process of transition. I will explain further.

Change happens constantly and perhaps it may be only my impression, but it seems to me that more than the usual amount of change is definitely in the air. You, just like me, might find yourself caught in the midst of it. I am deliberately choosing the word 'caught' as that reflects best my feeling. It makes sense I feel caught because I see change as something that happens externally and generally is situational. Change can happen fast. It often arrives and passes quickly and might require a focus on immediate problem solving, goal orientation, and alteration in plans and situations.

Let's look at my family's immediate situation where rapid changes occurred within several days. I consider the various illnesses and hospitalizations of family members on the other side of the Atlantic, events that remain outside of my control..Life happens and continues to surprise us. In the meantime, measures need to be taken within my family now how to connect with each person, look after their immediate needs, and see what the external circumstances require for everyone involved to go about their business as efficiently and smoothly as possible. Who does what and where and how are the immediate questions that call for attention.

More change will follow as the failing health of my parents necessitates further modifications or radical reorganizations within the larger family unit. The impact these external and situational changes make on each participant will vary greatly and depend, of course, on a huge number of variables.

So, what do YOU consider change? Where do you agree or disagree with me? I'd be curious to hear your insights on change.

Now to the ensuing chaos. Most changes, I would contend, create initial chaos. For my definition of chaos I'd like to resort to 'chaos theory.' - Keep breathing, I won't get too technical. If you are a scientist, I'm asking you to look at my simple presentation with a kind heart. Generally, we feel comfortable (at least to some degree) when life continues as we know it. Our sense of safety and well-being, sometimes even self-esteem, tends to depend on our familiarity with the status quo, the current and familiar situation in which we find ourselves. That does not mean, the status quo is necessarily helpful to us. Either way, any change that happens contains the potential of a threat to the familiarity of that state of being.

For many of us, that creates discomfort, uneasiness, dis-ease, frustration, and anxiety, just to name a few emotions. We tend to worry or panic when the initial conditions are threatened and feel the possibilities of danger and further change looming above or ahead of us. That's my basic description of chaos.

Here is how Ian Stewart formulates chaos to whom the concept of the butterfly effect is attributed (which is part of the chaos theory). "The flapping of a single butterfly's wing today produces a tiny change in the state of the atmosphere. Over a period of time, what the atmosphere actually does diverges from what it would have done. So, in a month's time, a tornado that would have devastated the Indonesian coast doesn't happen. Or maybe one that wasn't going to happen, does. (Ian Stewart, Does God Play Dice? The Mathematics of Chaos, 141)

How does this rendition of the concept of chaos sound to you? Does it make sense? Maybe it helps you to shed light on your own experiences. And if so, would you like to share those with me? If not, how do YOU understand chaos?

Transition expresses itself as an internal process that is highly individual in form and nature. Through this transformational process we adjust, adapt and come to terms with the changes and the chaos that have permeated the life we used to know. A multitude of emotions characterize this process that invites each one of us to reassess ourselves, life and the world. The words of the writer Gabriel Garcia Marquez depict beautifully what transition entails: "Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but...life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves."

Gabriel Garcia Marquez captures the essence of the three important phases that characterize the process of transition–ENDING, EXPLORATION, EMERGENCE. (I highly recommend William Bridges' work on Transitions as I consider him an authority on this subject. He refers to the three phases as zones: ending, neutral zone, new beginnings.) I prefer to use the terminology 'phase,' but want to emphasize that these phases, as distinct as they are, may overlap. The initial phase of transition is considered the ENDING (or death) of a particular identity, form, value, understanding or situation. Change often precipitates this phase. It's important to keep in mind that even desired change, such as the birth of a child, a move or a wedding, frequently propel us into transitions as they, too, contain the ENDING of a life we leave behind.

I refer to the second phase of transition as the EXPLORATION phase, which may often feel and look like the Great Unknown, a dead end, an abyss, the gulf of darkness, or an emptiness (the dark night of the soul) where we feel the ground shaking and the atmosphere whistling past us. It's completely unsettling, confusing and creates a sense of disconnection and loneliness. Of course, you recognize the chaos in here! However, it is precisely in this phase where we abdicate control and enter into a state of surrender.

No prescribed time line confines us in this EXPLORATION phase that may be filled with tears of joy and grief, pain and agony, doubt and certainty, grace and grit, and many more seemingly conflicting emotions. When we use our time and resources creatively and consciously, though, when we take time to reflect and engage ourselves in inner work and contemplation, we will sense the nudges and eventually the arrival of the next phase. With the support of those who know how to listen, hear us and create a safe space for us while we are immersed in EXPLORATION, we recognize the truth in Lewis Carrol's words, "I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then."

This recognition and acceptance signals our initiation into the third phase of transition, EMERGENCE. Here our internal restructuring and reorganization takes shape. By connecting with the sources that can sustain us from within, we begin to gain or regain a sense of purpose. We make plans, we picture and connect with new ways of being and we prepare ourselves to play new roles in our lives.

I am very curious to see, despite the whirlpool of emotions I can feel inside of me, how the changes that have been sparked in my family will translate into personal transformational experiences. We have been invited into the process of transition and each one of us has been given the opportunity to accept and rise to the challenge.

I realize I have not yet gone into the emotional and spiritual components of transition. That requires more time and space than a blog allows. Let me know, though, if particular questions arise for you that I might be able to address in this format.

For now I wonder what transition means for you. What aspects–of my extremely brief description–of this process resonate with you? What emerges for you when you enter a transition? I am looking forward to hearing your insights.

Success and the Internal Landscape

Martina Steiger — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 23:03:00 GMT

Success! Failure! Two extremely powerful words that make hearts sing or bleed! They etch themselves into our minds and souls, causing us much grief and maybe some glory, as many athletes, coaches, families and whole nations can attest to right now during the Olympic Games.

A difference of two 1/100th of a second can turn a success to failure, it seems. To put it in perspective, that's just about 2.5-3 times the speed of the blink of an eye. Imagine that! Now imagine the consequences of seeing your apparent success turn into failure because you were off by three blinks of an eye.

The power of words! Who grants them this power? Who accepts the power? Words amaze and fascinate me - and always have, I must confess. I suppose you can tell! I absolutely love Lewis Carrol's humour, wit and wisdom. Let's see what he contributes to our exploration of success.

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean--neither more nor less." "The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master – that's all."

In the context of the Olympic Games, success appears to be defined primarily by a place on the podium or a personal best, but the latter doesn't even make the news beyond the immediate moment. Do the athletes choose individually what success means to each of them, I wonder? Are they in charge of the words or do the words master them? What do you think?

Are you deliberate about your choice of words, both spoken and unspoken ones? How conscious are you about the meaning behind and contained within the words you use? Do they mean the same each time? Do they mean the same when you are the speaker and when you are the listener? Can you state with Humpty Dumpty's conviction that the words mean just what YOU choose them to "mean–neither more nor less?"

I have to admit that for years I manipulated words unconsciously, words that included 'work,' 'love,' being strong,' 'pleasing,' and countless more. I had absorbed the meanings of words as they were passed on to me through the cumulative powers of my entire environment, from family, school, and church to media, history and more. Therefore, the temper of words, to quote Humpty Dumpty, certainly could affect me, often negatively. They mastered me most of the time, I would surmise, because I allowed myself to be limited by them.

Only in my twenties, when I was studying foreign languages, literatures, cultures, histories and philosophies, did it dawn on me how important it was for me to learn to choose the exact right words. I realized that in the blink of an eye, my choice of words and my intentions behind them, could divide, rather than unite. And that was just the beginning of a process that's still ongoing for me.

I recognized that I needed to gain clear understanding on how to define or redefine the meaning of each word for myself. I needed to shed layers of assumed identities that I enacted through the use of my words, in particular the ones I spoke quietly to myself on the inside. Only then could I move towards mastery of the words, as Humpty Dumpty suggests–a potential and possibility I continue to live into. How clear and conscious are you on the intentions of the words you are using?

Now back to our starting point: the word success. In my life, numerous understandings of this word have percolated through my being, all leaving their marks on me at certain times. I moved from regarding success as working hard, high academic achievements, financial wealth, having a family and a nice home, to attaining fame in the world and to actively changing the world. In retrospect, all of these meanings point to three common elements in my outlook on life; first, I needed to prove myself to others; second, success was connected with the concept of the extraordinary; and third, I wanted to leave the world a better place.

I want to emphasize that you will come to your own personal insights, which may match or completely contradict mine. And that's just fine as it underscores our uniquenesses. What is most important is that you gain clarity for yourself.

What does the word success mean to me now? Success still means I want to leave the world a better place. So what makes the difference you may ask?

I realize that the word no longer masters me. Instead, I continue to live into the possibility of mastering the word. In this process, I feel grounded and at home most of the time, even when I am confronted with losses and so-called failures or internal and external doubts or questions. I have reshaped the 'world' for myself to symbolize 'my internal landscape.' No longer do I feel compelled to change the world out there because I have relinquished my need for external control. If I believe that we are all whole and that as individuals we reflect the whole, then it follows that I do not need to change the world out there. "Effective action is personal, not social or cultural," aptly states Joseph Chilton Pearce.

In other words, my desire to 'leave the world a better place' can only begin and end with weeding, tilling, sculpting, shaping, pruning, planting, seeding, fertilizing, harvesting, and caring for my internal landscape. Out of this fertile and beautiful landscape grows my notion of success. I challenge myself to treat each seemingly ordinary aspect of the life around and within me with extraordinary attention and intention and a sense of mystery. When I connect with this purpose and passion in myself, the changes in my eternal landscape awaken possibilities not only in me, but by extension in others. To me, that's how resilient community arises, out of this "bond of the heart," to quote J. Pearce again. Resilience, by the way, connotes the ability to absorb shock, adapt and change in a healthy and balanced manner.

Let me summarize what I mean by success. I recognize my success when I light up from the inside out. Success suggests I manage to give the most ordinary aspect of my internal and external life the most extraordinary attention by tending to that landscape. Such purposeful curiosity and passion awaken me to the possibilities that lie within. When others around me start to reflect back the same light, I know I am reaping the extraordinary benefits of the community that emerges from my conscious efforts to master the word success.

Energize in Seven Simple Steps: From Wasting Time to Investing Time

Martina Steiger — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 15:06:00 GMT

'Time just flies.' Sounds familiar? Do you know where your time goes?

How much 'time' are you spending on getting lost in details, unimportant aspects of a task, perfectionism, agitations, frustration, aggravation or cynicism? This is when time seemingly runs away from us, or 'flees,'as the Roman poet Virgil suggests to whom the statement 'time flies' is attributed.

Is it 'time' to invite a sense of ease and freedom, choice and joy into your life by shifting your relationship to time? Below, you will find a simple seven-step suggestion that helps you create just that in your everyday personal and professional life. Take the plunge. Initiate the shift. Stop wasting your time. Start investing your time and reap the benefits.

Imagine a task or situation where you feel you tend to simply put in time or perhaps waste time. Got it? Now initiate the shift. Look at the same task or situation. Do you consider it worth an important investment -both in terms of time and energy? If so, what jumps out at you immediately?If not, ask yourself why you choose to do about that–choose either to takeyourself out of the situation or to make the shift to a conscious relationship with time that nurtures you.

I'llgive you a practical and personal example. Accounting tasks and taxpreparation used to figure high in my areas of wasted time and energy.I could waste much time simply dragging out even beginning the job.Once started, any distraction would do to get me away from the task athand. The end result-lots of resentment, a sense of depletion anddissatisfaction, just to name a few of the emotions.

So here is my simple seven-step suggestion that assists me in such circumstances to make the shift from wasting into investing my time. This shift invariably energizes and rejuvenates me.

I breathe and anchor myself. I go to that magic place of peace within me where I can simply be.
Ibecome aware of the agitation, the resentment or frustration I'mfeeling towards the task or situation at hand. I connect with it andfeel it in my body.
Then I remind myself of this: Nobody canmake me do anything and nothing can cause me to feel a particular way.Even though I may not be able to change the situation, I can always choose how I wish to respond to it. Each choice, though, comes with a consequence (both action and feeling).
Iimagine the choices I have in this particular situation, which mayinclude elimination of a task altogether. Then I sum up theconsequences. I give myself less than 30 seconds to picture the choices.
Iask myself next: Which of the choices (with the accompanying benefitsand rewards or drawbacks we call consequences) honours best allinvolved in the process? - It's important to go with whatever pops intomy awareness first.
Last question: What's a good investment ofmy time, given the choices and consequences I have identified? I listento what feels right for me overall - should, ought, cannot, must etc have no place here. Instead, I listen for "choose" and "want" and "I will."
Finally,I find a visual, verbal or acoustic cue that reminds me of the shiftI've just made. It needs to symbolize for me the shift to investment of mytime and energy that arises from a place of choice. I keep that symbolclose by until I have created a new habit for myself.

That'sit! See what happens when you set your intentions to invest your time.You may be surprised by the ease and peace, the joy and magic youcreate in your life.

The Wonders of Relationship

Martina Steiger — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 20:29:00 GMT

'What you resist persists!' Has Carl Jung's famous statement ever haunted you? It certainly teases me, at the very least. With Valentine's Day at the horizon and commercial display and endless talk about love at every turn this past week, I decided that I would not succumb to the masses. I would not write about this subject, and that was final.

Yet, my own conflicted attitude to Valentine's Day wouldn't let me off the hook, regardless of how hard I tried. The harder I tried, the more all of my writing veered into the subject of love in some fashion. What you resist persists, indeed!

Last night, I finally decided to sit and open myself up to the message of Valentine's. My eyes caught a tiny wooden box with a ladybug inside. I had gifted Paul, my deceased husband, many years ago with this ladybug of love. Paul, a Brit with a stiff upper lip, only

occasionally displayed his sentimental or romantic side. Imagine my surprise when I cleaned out his office and found the oval box on a shelf, along with other mementos. Apparently, Paul had developed connections with me through my gifts that had remained obscured to me. Perhaps this ladybug could reveal insights into my strong reactions to Valentine's Day.

Almost immediately, an internal revue of my feelings over the last decades passed by, which ranged from indifference, disappointment, loneliness, sadness and anger to joy, ecstasy, happiness, romance, fantasy and deep love, just to name the most prominent ones. What a spread of emotional expressions to the same day!

That's when the title for today's entry, 'The Wonders of Relationship,' was born. A focus on the 'wonders of relationship' emphasizes not the circumstances that surround this day. Instead, the relationship to myself and, by extension the world around me, primarily account for and illuminate my varied perceptions and experiences. Let me explain further.

The word 'relate' comes from the Latin and means to 'retell or account.' What's the retelling that is happening, you might ask. Well, it might be the retelling of events according to my own story of the moment. I may receive similar attention this year as I did last year, perhaps beautiful flowers, a dinner invitation or a meaningful card. And yet, instead of being excited the way I was in the past, I might feel flat, almost disappointed.

What do you suspect explains this reaction? What's the variable? It might be my own internal 'retelling' of the events and the experience. What differs in my relationship to myself and to my environment? Am I content and joyous or unhappy and uneasy about life and myself? What expectations do I have of my partner or loved ones around me on this day? What unexpressed story is shaping my perceptions, my accounting of the events?

I feel compelled to share with you what transpired on the first Valentine's Day after Paul's death as a powerful example of the 'wonders of relationship.' Six months had passed since Paul's sudden and unexpected death, and I was still in the throngs of grief and pain. I couldn't stand hearing or seeing anything that had to do with romantic love and happy togetherness, as I labelled it then. Of course, the high school where I was teaching at that point, made a big deal about Valentine's. After all, high schools brim over with hormonally charged teenagers for whom romance, love and relationship preoccupy much of their personal agenda.

The days leading up to Valentine's made me nauseous. How could I be happy for others when I felt so alone and so lonely. How could I be happy when I knew Paul was gone and we would never celebrate again, neither Valentine's nor any other day. How could I be happy when I did not even have a clue any more who I was? I am just excerpting a few of the thoughts that captivated my consciousness in those days. I am sure you get the picture. Obviously, I related in a deeply disturbed way to myself as well as to the world around me.

On my way to school that Valentine's, I already regretted not having taken the day off to avoid further reminders. However, it was now too late. Reluctantly, I started my day. A large grade 12 French class was waiting for me first period. I did my best to stay on the task of teaching my lesson, just hoping to get through it somehow.

Suddenly, a knock at my classroom door, and in marched two students, ready to distribute the Valentine's gifts that had been ordered as fundraisers for the school. I turned to my desk to keep myself busy when I heard: "C'est pour vous, Madame Steiger."

I looked up. Alex, a student from my class, handed me a bouquet of red roses. Rosie gave me a card. The students spontaneously formed a circle around me. Every student had not only signed the card but added a few personal words I could hardly make out through the tears that were trickling down my face. I was completely stunned and speechless.

Not one of these 17-year-old students, male and female alike, appeared uncomfortable or impatient while waiting for me to recompose myself. When I could finally breathe and speak again, I thanked them for their gift but also told them I was thoroughly confused. Why would they present me, their teacher, with roses on Valentine's Day? Especially when I could certainly not provide them with the quality of teaching they were used to from the past, due to my lack of energy and enthusiasm among other reasons.

Their answer astounded me. They wanted to express their love and appreciation for my honest and sincere relationship with them. I showed them, they articulated, deep respect by simply being me, by not pretending life was fine when it clearly was not.

I realized then, but much more so since then, that these students felt connected in a way that went much deeper than any content I could have ever taught them or ever did teach them. Despite that realization, I could not fully take in the love they showed me, not for a long time. My head understood, but my heart was not quite ready to absorb the immensity of their affection. Regardless, these students caused me to wonder at the power of all of our relationships. My external circumstances in life had not changed. And yet, through the expression of unconditional love by my students, I understood the powerful wonders of relationship at work. The only change originated in my perception of myself, the way I related to myself.

My deep and sincere gratitude and appreciation goes out to all my students, particularly of that year. You taught me so very much.

Today, eight years later, with my head and heart connecting, I breathe in fully the wonders of relationship these students demonstrated to me. Apparently they connected with me well below the surface of my actions and behaviours. They related to the essence of my being, which I could not even grasp at all then. Their gift to me extended and continues to extend far beyond the roses and the card I received.

When I observe my communities and environment, from my cats to the strangers I meet on the street, from my friends to my clients, I realize that everyone expresses diverse ways of relating to the world within and around them–their environment (which includes partners, friends, playmates, and families), their bodies, their minds, their own emotions and /or Spirit. Of course, this relationship may display itself in seemingly positive or negative, healthy or unhealthy ways. Or, as some might argue, this relationship may not look like a relationship at all because meaningful interactions may be absent altogether.

Humans–just like so many other species in this universe–are, after all, social beings who depend on others right throughout our lives and live in some form of community, even if indirectly and unwillingly. Even our very existence derives from the actions of our parents and how they related to each other. Generally we reap the benefits from the actions of others, be it in form of food, clothes or shelter, or from nurturing connections with others around us. For survival, we require the support of many others, as the situation in Haiti continues to demonstrate to us so very clearly. Is it then surprising that much of our happiness and contentment apparently derives from the very fabric of our relationship with others around us?

"Relationships are all there is," Margaret Wheatley writes in Never Eat Alone. "Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone." This amazing community leader articulates a core issue of our times, perhaps even the most important one.

May this Valentine's Day serve us as the perfect opportunity to remind ourselves of the intimate relationships that dominate our lives on all levels. May we marvel and work with the wonders of relationship!

Powerful Listening: The Rock and the Water

Martina Steiger — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 20:21:00 GMT

Yet another week of emotional roller-coaster rides! I attempted, in vain, to write several blog entries but felt unable to focus. Nothing was flowing. Ups and downs, highs and lows lead me to question and to re-examine essential aspects of my foundational beliefs and outlook on life. Then two photos surfaced that I took last summer. I had forgotten about them and 'by accident' came across them this afternoon, when I returned from a church service that focused on the 'foundation shock.'

It must be the 'grace of serendipity' manifesting, as an acquaintance wrote to me in another context earlier this week. You may prefer to call it synchronicity.

The photos startled and mesmerized me the moment I saw them this afternoon on the large monitor that serves as my computer screen. Both of them carry the same power for me, a power that gripped me suddenly and vehemently.

I could sense a connection from the images to the experiences of my week. I just knew they could provide me with insights into my recent roller-coaster ride that had escaped me thus far. I also knew it could only happen if I stopped analyzing and gave myself over to the photos.

So I decided to sit down in prayerful reflection. I set the intention to see and listen through my inner eyes and ears, my heart through which I hear my soul speak. For me, the Peace prayer attributed to St. Francis of Assisi, usually opens my heart, as it did this time. I kept focused on my breathing until I felt fully immersed into the image. It reminded me of Michael Ende's wonderful character Momo (in the book named after her), who spends a great deal of her time 'simply listening to the great silence around her.'

In this silence, my ears are filling with the sound of the water washing over and through the rock, steadily wearing it down in ever persistent motion. I hear the melodies as the water shapes the rock according to its own movement, whimsies, flow and strength. The whispering water entices new growth and beauty by nourishing some plants, while smothering others, forcing them to die. The lullabies are soothing, the funeral marches eerie, yet both perfect and strangely comforting.

I feel the dances of the plants, the fish and stones, the birds and the wind, all participating along the way, adding to and altering the course the water takes and, by extension, reshaping the rock. What joy and freedom emerge from the power of the water, so very still in this photo.

I keep listening and breathing, doing my best to keep my mind silent. I feel the rock, a hard mass deeply grounded into the earth. It breathes life, seemingly in spite of its solidity. Its confident and unshakable nature encourage trees and flowers to plant their roots into the finest crevices that nurture life.

Listen and hear! The rock invites much more. It exudes an openness to change and flexibility. Its very porousness allows the water's waves to reshape its exterior and even to hollow it out. Once a singular entity, it morphs into a series of forms and contours, giving rise to reflective pools of water and small oases for birds.

The rock's unwavering presence captivates and entrances me. I wait and breathe and focus on the silence. Finally, the rock reveals its secret to me. Regardless of the workings of the water, the 'rock is solid' in its inner knowing that its essence always endures. Its shape may be altered completely. Chunks may break off or rough edges may smooth over. None of that matters. The rock does not care about its appearance.

After all, each change exposes more of the rock's essence as layer upon layer, crevice upon crevice find themselves exposed and in clear view. Whatever it no longer needs, the rock lets go. It relinquishes it to the water, which washes it away while feeding plants with the minerals released in the process.

The quiet authenticity and strength of the rock combines with the freedom and joyful creative spirit of the water. What a perfect symbiotic relationship!

I stay focused on my breathing and express my gratitude to the water and the rock. I deeply appreciate their willingness to share their experiences with me. The images have carved themselves into my heart and soul now, just as the water has carved its way through the rock to reveal its brilliant truth.

It took me all afternoon to digest the insights I gained. Because of the intensity of the experience, I feel compelled to share it with you. I finally comprehend on a much deeper cellular level than before that the emotional roller-coaster serves the same amazing and magic purpose the water does in my photos, and, most importantly, in life. Perhaps I am providing my personal example of the importance of integration I was writing about in an earlier blog entry.

Without life's happenings and my emotional reactions to it (the water, as I understood it), I wouldn't have the opportunity to explore, to find, to claim and to expose my true essence! If I offer no resistance (just the way the rock presented itself to me), I allow for life's events to demonstrate to me that I can choose to let go and be open to reshaping. When I relinquish my need to control and refocus my attention from the outer to the inner, then this amazing symbiotic relationship of co-creation unfolds.

I realize how essential these emotional experiences remain to serve as a shock to my foundation. Only through these encounters can I see what beliefs are outdated and no longer serve me. What a perfect moment to examine my core and see how it might weather possible life-changing alterations!

I am so very curious to hear what questions and reflections this photo ignites in you. I invite you to sit and listen in silence to the image. As Michael Ende suggests, "Those who still think listening isn't an art should see if they can do it half as well."